Sometimes a book changes your life. You read something that convicts you, pushes your buttons and requires you to stop thinking about what you want. We just finished a book called "Not a Fan". The book asks one overwhelming question: fan or follower?
One of my favorite lines from the book says this:
"What are the scenes that would unfold differently in your life if you were a follower instead of a fan? What would your life look like if you followed Jesus completely? No excuses. Wherever. Whenever. Whatever" Kyle Idleman- Not a Fan.
I struggle with letting go, with letting God have all of it. But I've discovered in reading this book that I have to give up my life, my wants, my dreams. Everything I hold dear must go out the window. That sounds scary. But the idea of not being a follower, of Jesus being an afterthought in my everyday life is even scarier.
A few weeks ago I decided what exactly being a follower at this point in my life would like. And this is it: stop looking at jobs in California. Focus on my life here and accept that this is exactly where God wants me to be. You would think after almost 2 years here I would be off this rollercoaster, but it's taken me a long time to get here. God had to break my pride, my spirit, and every little piece of me that screams "This life is only about me!" to get me to this point. And to be honest the peace I've felt since the decision has been amazing. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can truly say that my life is in God's hands. Whenever. Wherever. Whatever.
The book talks often about the scenes of your life and how they would play out if you were a fan or a follower. And today the most amazing follower story happened at work.
Last night at small group our small group leader handed out wrist bands that said Not a Fan. And I put mine on and today it's still on. I found myself this morning talking to a coworker about taking pictures for us and all of a sudden she says "Are you reading Not a Fan?" And my first thought was what? I guess I had a quizical look on my face and she said your bracelet, it says Not a Fan. And from there we shared stories about the book and how much it has affected us and changed our life. I had the chance to tell her about California and my decision and where I am at right now in life.
Other then a few casual conversations I have never had a personal conversation with her and today we shared our faith and our stories. All because of a book. A book that has changed both of our lives. I truly believe our lives have intersections and we get the chance to meet people and share stories and change the course of tomorrow. I am so glad I had the opportunity today. Because at the end of the day I want what is said of me to be simple: She's a Christian. Everything else is a role or hobby.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
A reminder
She knew that many were the plans in her heart but that God's purpose would previal. There is such freedom in trusting in God. Today for the first time in a long time I am absolutely ok with where my life is.
I love those moments when life just feels good. When work is going well, when your friends are doing awesome and overall you are just happy and thankful to be alive. I know deep in my heart that God has the most amazing plan for my life. Sometimes though I forget that. And I need reminders like the verse above to remind me of God's grace and love. Everything happens for a reason and I know that I did not end up in South Texas on accident.
I love days like today. I ran errands for my boss. I had lunch with a dear friend. I blogged. I spent time on pinterest. Tonight I'm going to crossfit, tomorrow I'm going to attempt to change my air filter, hang out with friends and go to church on Sunday.
No matter where my life takes me I hold onto moments like these for dear life. They have an easy way of reminding me of everything that is good and that no matter what happens, I know I will be ok. God's got this and with that reminder so do I!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
My cholesterol
Who knew at 27 that I would be excited about my cholesterol??? The day before I started Crossfit (November 3rd, 2011), we had a blood work screening done at work for cholesterol. Other than occasionally wondering what my blood pressure might be and if it was good, I never really gave a second thought to blood tests and cholesterol. My thought process was always that I'm young and those are "old people problems".
I was shocked to find that my overall cholesterol was high, my bad cholesterol was over the optimal range, and my good cholesterol was low. Oh and my blood pressure was in the pre-hypertension category. And I was over weight by 43 pounds. Are you serious? I think at that moment as the nurse started going over all my test results the facts started sinking in.
As I've progressed over this journey of Paleo and Crossfit I've wondered if my numbers have changed. Yesterday I went in for my routine wellness exam and my numbers have changed drastically!
LDL - This cholesterol can can build up walls in your arteries and increase heart disease. The optimal number for this is under 100.
November 11 - 107
July12 - 85
HDL - This is the 'good' cholesterol. The higher the number here the lower the risk of heart disease. 60 and above is considered optimal.
November 11 - 66
July 12 - 71
Triglycerides - Triglycerides are the chemical form in which most fat exists in food and the body. A high triglyceride level has been linked to higher risk of coronary artery disease. Less then 150 is normal.
November 11 - 71
July 12 - 62
Total Cholesterol - less then 200 is desirable
November 11 - 187
July 12 - 168
Blood pressure
November 11- 122/80 (pre-hypertension)
July 12 - 100/60
Weight
November 11 - 243
July 12 - 205
My health is of vital importance to me at this stage in my life because I truly get the fact that we only get one shot. And I want to make the best of this life!!
I was shocked to find that my overall cholesterol was high, my bad cholesterol was over the optimal range, and my good cholesterol was low. Oh and my blood pressure was in the pre-hypertension category. And I was over weight by 43 pounds. Are you serious? I think at that moment as the nurse started going over all my test results the facts started sinking in.
As I've progressed over this journey of Paleo and Crossfit I've wondered if my numbers have changed. Yesterday I went in for my routine wellness exam and my numbers have changed drastically!
LDL - This cholesterol can can build up walls in your arteries and increase heart disease. The optimal number for this is under 100.
November 11 - 107
July12 - 85
HDL - This is the 'good' cholesterol. The higher the number here the lower the risk of heart disease. 60 and above is considered optimal.
November 11 - 66
July 12 - 71
Triglycerides - Triglycerides are the chemical form in which most fat exists in food and the body. A high triglyceride level has been linked to higher risk of coronary artery disease. Less then 150 is normal.
November 11 - 71
July 12 - 62
Total Cholesterol - less then 200 is desirable
November 11 - 187
July 12 - 168
Blood pressure
November 11- 122/80 (pre-hypertension)
July 12 - 100/60
Weight
November 11 - 243
July 12 - 205
My health is of vital importance to me at this stage in my life because I truly get the fact that we only get one shot. And I want to make the best of this life!!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
The journey to a new me
Sometimes it takes something simple to see everything with a new perspective. Today I put on a pair of shorts and a black top. As I walked back into the bathroom I got a glimpse of my reflection. The shorts hung off my hips and the shirt looked like a dress or a tent. Not the cute snug fitting shirt it was 6 months ago. At that moment it hit me. I'm skinny! These size 14 shorts and XL top don't fit me.
As I let that reality sink in I realized every little moment along the way mattered. The moment I turned down a cookie dough cupcake for the rec center's 1st birthday mattered. The moment I walked away from the cookies at bunco before my willpower dissolved. They have all mattered and that makes me so very happy.
The other day a friend asked if I will ever eat junk food ever again. I wasn't sure of my answer. I probably will. I will probably partake in a piece of wedding cake at my friend's weddings in September. And I'm ok with that. But I also know my limits. I know that sugar is my greatest weakness. I also know when I avoid it the 'crack meter' in my brain that tells me I need it goes away. I feel better, I perform better, I sleep better. I do know that my life will never be the same and I will never go back to my old habits.
I'm enjoying being the fittest and smallest version of me that I've ever been in my entire adult life. I went from a size 16 pants, size XL tops, size 42DD bra, to a size 10 pants, size M top, and a 38 C bra. I've lost 37 pounds since January and I don't ever plan on finding it again. This new me is permanent.
I still have a few goals as I progress into this new version of me: to weigh under 200 pounds. Currently I sit at 206. I plan on fighting for every pound.
To all my friends that are trying to get healthy and stay healthy, keep working at it! You can do it. It takes a lot of fight and good decisions to get you there but I know you can do it. Your future self will thank you. Cheers to getting healthy and staying there!
As I let that reality sink in I realized every little moment along the way mattered. The moment I turned down a cookie dough cupcake for the rec center's 1st birthday mattered. The moment I walked away from the cookies at bunco before my willpower dissolved. They have all mattered and that makes me so very happy.
The other day a friend asked if I will ever eat junk food ever again. I wasn't sure of my answer. I probably will. I will probably partake in a piece of wedding cake at my friend's weddings in September. And I'm ok with that. But I also know my limits. I know that sugar is my greatest weakness. I also know when I avoid it the 'crack meter' in my brain that tells me I need it goes away. I feel better, I perform better, I sleep better. I do know that my life will never be the same and I will never go back to my old habits.
I'm enjoying being the fittest and smallest version of me that I've ever been in my entire adult life. I went from a size 16 pants, size XL tops, size 42DD bra, to a size 10 pants, size M top, and a 38 C bra. I've lost 37 pounds since January and I don't ever plan on finding it again. This new me is permanent.
I still have a few goals as I progress into this new version of me: to weigh under 200 pounds. Currently I sit at 206. I plan on fighting for every pound.
To all my friends that are trying to get healthy and stay healthy, keep working at it! You can do it. It takes a lot of fight and good decisions to get you there but I know you can do it. Your future self will thank you. Cheers to getting healthy and staying there!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
My 27th Birthday
It seems like as the years go by time flies faster. Is it really my birthday? Again?
So I started making a list in my head of all the amazing things that have happened over the last year:
Work - I struggled greatly over the last year with work and my place and purpose. Transitioning into programming has been such a great blessing. At the exact moment I thought I couldn't take it anymore God provided a way out. I'm so excited about summer camp and what the future holds in my career. I love that fact that while it's not everything I thought it was going to be, I've found the best within it. There are good days and there are bad ones, but I'm finding my niche within it.
CrossFit- I found something I absolutely love to do on a daily basis. It's hard, it kicks my butt everyday, and it challenges me. I want to hit new PR's, I want to be able to do a pull up one day without a band. I want to do CrossFit until someone tells me I can't do it anymore :) With it I've acquired an AMAZING group of friends. They are a dedicated, hard working, fun loving group of people.
Getting healthy- I've lost 35 pounds in the last year and I feel great. I feel strong, healthy, happy and confident. I've struggled with my weight for most of my 20's so it feels good to have finally gotten somewhere. It's been hard and challenging but worth every minute of being on the road to skinny :)
The girls- I can't say enough about the ladies in my small group at church. We're going to dinner tomorrow night and I can't wait to celebrate with them. When I moved here I never realized how hard it could be to make friends. But God has blessed me abundantly in that department. To all my ladies- I love you!
For some reason in the last couple of months turning 27 has freaked me out. I have some fear about the fact that I am heading straight towards 30 and I have no clear picture of what the future holds. If you asked my 17 year old self I would have spouted off some cookie cutter version of what my life would look like. For some reason I like to check things off lists, I hate when my life doesn't have a checklist. College. Check. First real job. Check. Grad school. Check. 27 and no check list. The things not checked off my list? A husband, children, the white picket fence.
Life is funny like that sometimes right? Everywhere you thought you'd be is no where near where you are. I'm learning to be ok with that. I've learned that I have no idea what's around the corner, I'm taking each day for the adventure that it is. The other day a dear friend told me that I need to embrace the moment. A lot of people never get the chance to see another state let alone live in one.
Three years ago I bought my first house, and celebrated my 24th birthday and housewarming party at the same time. If you had told me that three years later I would be living in South Texas I'm not sure I would have believed you. But that's the beauty of trusting and relying on God. When you let him lead, you have no idea where He will take you.
So I started making a list in my head of all the amazing things that have happened over the last year:
Work - I struggled greatly over the last year with work and my place and purpose. Transitioning into programming has been such a great blessing. At the exact moment I thought I couldn't take it anymore God provided a way out. I'm so excited about summer camp and what the future holds in my career. I love that fact that while it's not everything I thought it was going to be, I've found the best within it. There are good days and there are bad ones, but I'm finding my niche within it.
CrossFit- I found something I absolutely love to do on a daily basis. It's hard, it kicks my butt everyday, and it challenges me. I want to hit new PR's, I want to be able to do a pull up one day without a band. I want to do CrossFit until someone tells me I can't do it anymore :) With it I've acquired an AMAZING group of friends. They are a dedicated, hard working, fun loving group of people.
Getting healthy- I've lost 35 pounds in the last year and I feel great. I feel strong, healthy, happy and confident. I've struggled with my weight for most of my 20's so it feels good to have finally gotten somewhere. It's been hard and challenging but worth every minute of being on the road to skinny :)
The girls- I can't say enough about the ladies in my small group at church. We're going to dinner tomorrow night and I can't wait to celebrate with them. When I moved here I never realized how hard it could be to make friends. But God has blessed me abundantly in that department. To all my ladies- I love you!
For some reason in the last couple of months turning 27 has freaked me out. I have some fear about the fact that I am heading straight towards 30 and I have no clear picture of what the future holds. If you asked my 17 year old self I would have spouted off some cookie cutter version of what my life would look like. For some reason I like to check things off lists, I hate when my life doesn't have a checklist. College. Check. First real job. Check. Grad school. Check. 27 and no check list. The things not checked off my list? A husband, children, the white picket fence.
Life is funny like that sometimes right? Everywhere you thought you'd be is no where near where you are. I'm learning to be ok with that. I've learned that I have no idea what's around the corner, I'm taking each day for the adventure that it is. The other day a dear friend told me that I need to embrace the moment. A lot of people never get the chance to see another state let alone live in one.
Three years ago I bought my first house, and celebrated my 24th birthday and housewarming party at the same time. If you had told me that three years later I would be living in South Texas I'm not sure I would have believed you. But that's the beauty of trusting and relying on God. When you let him lead, you have no idea where He will take you.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Truth
There is a topic that has been weighing heavy on my heart that I have felt the need to talk about and share. It's been said the truth will set you free. Sometimes though as humans we are afraid to tell the truth. We are afraid of what it might do to the relationships we have, to the people around us, and maybe even in small part to us.
Almost two years ago I got news that rocked my world. News that pulled the carpet out from underneath my 25 year old self. I lost my job. I had no idea which way was up and I had no idea what my next step was. I stepped out blindly in faith and trusted that no matter what I would follow God's leading. I applied to over 50 jobs all over the US, all in my chosen field of recreation. Some people asked as months passed why I didn't pursue another field. I tried to explain it to them. But I'm sure most thought I was crazy. I felt then, as much as I do now that God had given me the heart, ability and drive to work in recreation. That deep inside who I am He was leading me. And so for six months I pursued only that passion. I pursued jobs only in that field. And I knew deep inside that God called me to love what I do and if that meant moving I would.
On the day I received my last unemployment check I accepted a position with the City of Sugar Land, Texas. I picked up my life and everything I had known for the last 25.5 years and moved across the country. To follow God, to follow a dream and to follow a passion. I wouldn't trade the last 13 months for anything. They have been the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, and inspiring months of my life. I have made some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for, friends I know I will have for the rest of my life.
But at the end of the day this post is called the truth. And the truth is that when I see the future, when I see what I want out of this life, I see California. And for a long time I've been afraid to admit that. I've been afraid to tell the people closest to me in Texas that I want to go home. I've been afraid to admit that the same passion and deep desire that I feel God placed on my heart about my profession is the same passion and desire that I feel about home. I've been afraid to admit that I want to go home because a small part of me feels like I've failed. That I should be completely grateful and content with everything that God has blessed me with. And I grateful. I am grateful for my amazing career, for my church, for my amazing friends.
But at the end of my life I know that I won't care about the titles, or the money I made. I will care that I was there to spend time with my family, to love on my Grandma in the last years of her life, to enjoy my Dad's retirement with him. To be able to have dinner with my best friend and her family in the middle of the week just because I can.
So if you are one of the people who are near and dear to my heart in Texas please know that I love you dearly! Please be gracious with me when I don't have the kindest things to say about Texas. Or when I make a reference to how great California is. Moving here is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done so please continue to show me grace. I pray that even as I share this news that this won't change anything between us.
No matter what happens I strive everyday to put God's plan before mine. To search and understand His heart and His plan for my life. I honestly have no idea whether that plan has California or Texas in it's future. But I'm praying for the strength to walk through any open doors He has for me or if a door is closed, to know that His plan is greater then anything I could imagine.
Almost two years ago I got news that rocked my world. News that pulled the carpet out from underneath my 25 year old self. I lost my job. I had no idea which way was up and I had no idea what my next step was. I stepped out blindly in faith and trusted that no matter what I would follow God's leading. I applied to over 50 jobs all over the US, all in my chosen field of recreation. Some people asked as months passed why I didn't pursue another field. I tried to explain it to them. But I'm sure most thought I was crazy. I felt then, as much as I do now that God had given me the heart, ability and drive to work in recreation. That deep inside who I am He was leading me. And so for six months I pursued only that passion. I pursued jobs only in that field. And I knew deep inside that God called me to love what I do and if that meant moving I would.
On the day I received my last unemployment check I accepted a position with the City of Sugar Land, Texas. I picked up my life and everything I had known for the last 25.5 years and moved across the country. To follow God, to follow a dream and to follow a passion. I wouldn't trade the last 13 months for anything. They have been the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, and inspiring months of my life. I have made some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for, friends I know I will have for the rest of my life.
But at the end of the day this post is called the truth. And the truth is that when I see the future, when I see what I want out of this life, I see California. And for a long time I've been afraid to admit that. I've been afraid to tell the people closest to me in Texas that I want to go home. I've been afraid to admit that the same passion and deep desire that I feel God placed on my heart about my profession is the same passion and desire that I feel about home. I've been afraid to admit that I want to go home because a small part of me feels like I've failed. That I should be completely grateful and content with everything that God has blessed me with. And I grateful. I am grateful for my amazing career, for my church, for my amazing friends.
But at the end of my life I know that I won't care about the titles, or the money I made. I will care that I was there to spend time with my family, to love on my Grandma in the last years of her life, to enjoy my Dad's retirement with him. To be able to have dinner with my best friend and her family in the middle of the week just because I can.
So if you are one of the people who are near and dear to my heart in Texas please know that I love you dearly! Please be gracious with me when I don't have the kindest things to say about Texas. Or when I make a reference to how great California is. Moving here is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done so please continue to show me grace. I pray that even as I share this news that this won't change anything between us.
No matter what happens I strive everyday to put God's plan before mine. To search and understand His heart and His plan for my life. I honestly have no idea whether that plan has California or Texas in it's future. But I'm praying for the strength to walk through any open doors He has for me or if a door is closed, to know that His plan is greater then anything I could imagine.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Family
Almost five months ago I walked into CrossFit Caveman ready to be challenged. Ready to get my workout on. Ready to be pushed past all my limitations.
And I've been pushed. I've done things that I never thought I could do. Like for instance yesterday I did a 75 pound squat clean. Say what? And then I did 60 ring dips. I've also managed to clear a 20" box on more then one occasion. I know it sounds absolutely crazy! But I LOVE it. I changed my eating habits in January and have gone completely Paleo! 20 pounds later I feel lighter and stronger. I seriously just feel better. I've kicked sugar cravings I thought I would have for the rest of my life. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without CrossFit.
But CrossFit is more then just a workout or a crazy senstation that has caught fire around the world. CrossFit is family. Everyday I'm amazed by the people that I get to see reach a new PR level, jump higher box jumps and push themselves past every limit. Our coaches push us and demand the best of us when we have nothing left to give. I am more often then not the last one to finish a workout but there is always someone close by encouraging me.
Outside of the cave these people have become some of my best friends. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without them it. We experienced an unexpected tragedy a few months ago that broke our hearts. But our bond grew even stronger. They have been there to help me move. They have been there when I've missed home so much it hurts. They've been there when I just wanted throw on my party dress and heels and head out for the night.
I truly believe that God places people in your path for a reason. I am so blessed and thankful to be a part of this amazing family. To know that no matter what life throws at us we will stick together.
We come from all walks of life and an age range that spans generations. But we have a common bond in finding out everyday what we are capable of.
And I've been pushed. I've done things that I never thought I could do. Like for instance yesterday I did a 75 pound squat clean. Say what? And then I did 60 ring dips. I've also managed to clear a 20" box on more then one occasion. I know it sounds absolutely crazy! But I LOVE it. I changed my eating habits in January and have gone completely Paleo! 20 pounds later I feel lighter and stronger. I seriously just feel better. I've kicked sugar cravings I thought I would have for the rest of my life. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without CrossFit.
But CrossFit is more then just a workout or a crazy senstation that has caught fire around the world. CrossFit is family. Everyday I'm amazed by the people that I get to see reach a new PR level, jump higher box jumps and push themselves past every limit. Our coaches push us and demand the best of us when we have nothing left to give. I am more often then not the last one to finish a workout but there is always someone close by encouraging me.
Outside of the cave these people have become some of my best friends. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without them it. We experienced an unexpected tragedy a few months ago that broke our hearts. But our bond grew even stronger. They have been there to help me move. They have been there when I've missed home so much it hurts. They've been there when I just wanted throw on my party dress and heels and head out for the night.
I truly believe that God places people in your path for a reason. I am so blessed and thankful to be a part of this amazing family. To know that no matter what life throws at us we will stick together.
We come from all walks of life and an age range that spans generations. But we have a common bond in finding out everyday what we are capable of.
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