Broken places

I wanted to run. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I wanted to flee. I thought if I could grab my purse while still standing in the isle I could make a run for it, jump in my car and pretend like none of it had ever happened.

But instead I sat back down. I sat among my friends will all my broken pieces. The tears streaming down my face, I cried. I didn't want to breath for fear of that sobbing sound escaping and everyone looking at me. 

I sat in the familar row in one of my all time favorite places and all of the memories came flooding back. I was overwhelmed by the life I had loved and left. For the comfort of seeing my friends twice a week and always being in a place where I was known. 

For the first time since leaving in January the reality of what I'd given up came crashing down. 

As humans we crave the familiar, we crave people knowing us, we look sideways at people when they take our "seat" at church. We like to know what's around the corner. We like to know what's going to happen tomorrow while we are still trying to figure out today. 

So I sat last night surrounded by the strongest women I know as they prayed for me, with me, and for each other. As eyes were closed and hearts were connected I stopped crying. I could feel God's love so profoundly in that moment. I could feel his grace wash over me and I realized that He is enough. That sometimes we can get so caught up in daily life that we forget to stop and breath. To be thankful for where we are and where God has brought us from.

There is peace in surrendering. There is peace in letting go. I know I've been given an amazing opportunity and an amazing platform to share my faith, to change lives and to make a positive impact in those around me. And just like Jesus that means giving something up- giving up the life and the comfort that I cling to. 

But there's beauty in giving up. There's beauty in meeting Jesus in the darkness because together you find the light. 

Secrets

For almost a month I've harbored a secret. Anyone that knows me knows I'm awful at keeping secrets, but this wasn't mine to tell. 

A month ago my phone rang and on the other end was my usually calm friend Khizer talking a mile a minute- I couldn't tell if he was excited or nervous but I could tell he had something to tell me. 

And then he said it: I bought Becca a ring. 

I jumped up and down and yelled into the phone with excitement and he laughed. I was so excited for my two friends and I was also thrilled that he had called to tell me. He said he wanted all of our friends or as many as could come at the proposal. And so we started planning. 

The best laid plans always have a way of being derailed and the first idea didn't happen because the ring was delayed. We still enjoyed a fun night with friends despite that! But that didn't stop him and that night we made another plan for a Saturday in October.

For a month I've been carrying this secret. And then today my friend entrusted me with another secret. The ring. When I got to CF this morning to workout with my friends he stuffed her ring in my purse with instructions to give it to him at dinner.

Every moment I've opened my purse today I've seen the box and I can't help but smile. Today my friends' lives will change forever and I get to play a part in that. These are the moments we were made for - creating friendships and moments with the people closest to you. 

The proposal was perfect and full of love, I know at first she had no idea what was happening but as I handed him the ring box and he got down on one knee she just beamed from ear to ear. 

We were called to love each other with everything we've got and I was reminded of that sort of love tonight. Khizer has a love for Becca that is self-sacrificing and he is always willing to put her above himself. And when you see the way she looks at him you can tell how deeply she loves and cares for this man. The two of us are a sucker for a good love quote and often over the last month we would send each other quotes and I couldn't help but think that this was their life in writing. 

And then I was reminded that these are the moments we were made for. For the moments when we can pause life and be there for each other and celebrate true love.