A moment

Sitting at the dining room table watching papers shuffle across from realtor to seller.

"This can't be happening!" She wants to scream. Instead she marks her initials, ML on the line marked seller.

She can feel the tears welling up as she tries her best to smile and sign, smile and sign. It seems hard to believe that a little over a year ago she was signing on the line marked buyer. And now here she is selling. She knows that this is just a home, but it is her first and she doesn't want to let it go.

Instead she wants to stand in her living room and shout and scream and throw a fit like a little kid. But instead she smiles and says thank you to her realtor and walks him to the door.

And then she does what any sensible 25 year old woman would do. She gets a glass of wine, and a brownie and settles down on the couch for a good cry. Tears streaming down her face, she can't seem to catch her breath. Scared because she has no idea what is around the corner, no idea what plan God has for her and it scares her. She looks around the room and remembers something her realtor said, "Escrow should close around the 3rd of September...." The 3rd of September? 3 weeks to pack up a year and half of memories? This wasn't supposed to be happening, she was supposed to be in this house for another 5 or 10 or 15 years. Not a year and a half.

And that is where she feels her panic setting in again. She's packing for what? To put her stuff in storage, live off unemployment and do what for the next several months and live where? Or is she packing to move to Tahoe?

She tries not to think about the possibilities but she can't help herself. She wants the job in Tahoe so bad she can feel it in her bones, but knows how tough the job market is. She's trying not to get her hopes up, trying not to imagine herself waking up to a view of the lake everyday. Or riding her bike along the Truckee River.

This summer she has learned to trust. To trust in God's plan. But right now she can't see two feet in front of her. But she remembers a good friend's piece of advice: you will come out of this a better, stronger woman. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, wipes her tears, and prays. Prays for peace and understanding, that no matter what happens she remembers she is alive, loved, and covered by grace. And though she has no idea what the future holds, she knows in the end it will all be worth it. And God's plan is better than anything she could of dreamed on her own.

Crossroads

I'm not even sure where I should start with this post :)

I still find it interesting that it has been 3 months since my life was completely turned upside down. Who knew this would be the most amazing summer? Ever.

I think about where I would be today if I hadn't lost my job and the dominos hadn't started falling at a rapid pace. But then I wouldn't be right here, right where I know I'm supposed to be.

So here is the current status of my life:

My time in Mexico brought me closer to God, closer to amazing people in Reedley and pretty much changed my life. I had no idea what one week could do for me spiritually and mentally.

Then came the Tahoe interview, and the second Tahoe interview and the waiting. To be told I was over qualified. That's awesome. I'm 25 and overqualified? I solved that problem by eating my unique half pound box of See's Candy. Chocolate can always work wonders.

With that door closed I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Part of me wanted to sit on the floor like a child, throw a fit, and do nothing. Wait for everything to happen to me.

But of course I don't operate like that so I started my search again. I think I'm on application number 15! Applying everywhere and anywhere again. Doing some more waiting, but this time I feel less nervous and anxious. I know that the Lord will reveal his plan when the time is right.

The house sold and escrow closes on the 10th. Crazy to think I'm 25 and I've already bought and sold my first house, lost my first job...... I'm staying in Reedley for the time being and moving in with a lady that went to Mexico with us. She has the cutest mother in law unit in the back of her house so that will become home for the next time period in my life.

School started last week. Human resource management and independent study. Who's excited??? :) I'm ready for this year and this semester, lets hope my motiviation doesn't turn into procrastination.

I'm in week 2 of a temp job with the school district. I like it, and it's something to do which is nice. Makes me feel productive!

So this is the current state of my life. Even though it changes daily, I am truly blessed and happy. Happy to have a roof over my head, money in my pocket and a beautiful life to live.

I'm off to pack, hope everyone has an amazing week!!