Open Space

There is something to be said about open space. A place where you can come and enjoy being outside, the way God intended it to be. Where the grass is natural and hasn't been cut. Where the tree branches are not trimmed and grow which ever direction they would like. Where flowers pop out of the ground where ever they want. Where birds sing. And you cannot hear even the faintest reminder of the world outside.

I found that today. Every Wednesday I drive to my small group and pass by a park. Situated just on the outside of the city limits of Sugar Land, this park is owned by the City of Houston. Even from the entrance I knew it had to be something beautiful. It couldn't be tamed or manicured or cut with a mower.

Leaving the library this afternoon I knew that I couldn't just go back and sit in my apartment. 80 degrees and blue skies prevented me from doing anything but finding a beautiful place to enjoy outside.

I knew my destination as I turned onto Highway 6….Cullinan Park on the outskirts of Sugar Land. I think I would have loved to meet the woman that donated the park. On a plaque near the beginning of the park it says donated as "a place of beauty and peacefulness in this city" I'm not sure she knew how much that would mean as the everything around this park continues to grow into a complete and total metropolitan area.


The beginning of the park takes you out on a boardwalk over a beautiful pond, you can fish, you can sightsee, you can sit. You can watch the ducks and birds play. Though I loved this part of the park I wondered there had to be more to this gorgeous park than just the pond. And I found it, a path leading into this beautiful and untamed open space.


I wanted to kiss the ground. I seriously wondered if I had moved to a part of the world that had no open space, but then just like in everything else God provides. So I walked for probably about 15 minutes down this trail and I wished I had tennis shoes on and not flip flops but still I was taking it all in. The smells, the birds, the trees.

There is something about open space that makes me feel closer to God. I've always said I would love to live out in the middle of no where and everyday I spend in the Houston-Sugar Land area I realize that is so very true. I'm not made for the city. I wasn't designed to live where there are more people than trees. I was designed to live in places like this. Where trees grow where ever they would like, where you can hear the birds and not the bustle of traffic. I was made for a place that you can hear nothing but nature, that you can walk for hours on a dirt path and never see the same things twice.

While I have no idea if I will ever get the chance to live in my middle of no where again, I know that I have found a little bit of heaven out there all the way in South Texas.

Everyday

Everyday in Texas is an adventure. It's an adventure with the people, with places, with my emotions. I've been in Texas a little over a month ago and there are times when I find myself literally stopping to think, wait, How did I really end up here?

I feel like in the scheme of things my life has been a HUGE blur since the middle of January. Though I have been an active participant I feel as at times that I was watching someone else star in my life, I was watching someone else make decisions and then all of a sudden here I am in South Texas.

I don't want to this post to sound like a pity party and for everyone to wonder why I'm scared now when I was the one practically running out of California. I'm just trying to understand this journey myself. There are days when I am perfectly fine and can feel God speaking love and truth into my life and saying this is exactly where I am supposed to be. And then there are other days when I miss California with every being and every fiber of my body.

Today in church our pastor talked about how when opportunities are presented to you (and they may be amazing!) and then when you take that opportunity, other options are taken off the table. I realized that many options were taken off the table when I decided to walk through this door that God opened for me. It meant leaving people behind, not being able to drive home at the drop of the hat or see those that I love on monthly basis. But with closed doors in one place comes a new happiness in others.

And that happiness comes from the "God-hard" not from the "Human Easy". This journey to South Texas has been filled with every part of God-hard. The road trip out here was "human-easy". Making the decision after 7 months of unemployment was "human-easy". But staying here and realizing I made a promise to God and to those that hired me was "God-hard". I have come to realize over the last few weeks that I made this journey for God. That God opened this door for me and I had to have enough faith to step out of my "bubble" and come to a place that is completely different from everything I have ever known.

But that is the beauty in everyday in South Texas. I have had some amazing moments so far, here are just a few:

1. My small group

I joined a ladies 25-35 year old small group and haven't looked back. I've told them before that I would probably packed up my car and been back to California if I hadn't forged such a close bond with them in such a short time. They were inviting, loving, welcoming, and caring. An amazing, amazing group of women that I am proud to call my friends.

2. Drive

Ya'll know how much I loved Stretch at my church in Reedley and tonight I got the chance to check out high school ministry at my church here in Sugar Land. It's called Drive. And I loved it. The youth pastor said something that touched my heart: "We prayed for leadership, and look at this, you drop in from California" I remember when I left Reedley my fellow high school ministry leaders wrote in my good bye card: BE BOLD EXTEND HIS KINGDOM. I am trying so very hard and I pray that God can use me in any fashion of high school ministry here in Sugar Land.

3. My job

I never realized how much I truly have found my calling until I got the chance to do it again. When I wasn't working it was always in the back of my head that maybe I loved it so much because I wasn't doing it anymore. But I love it because it truly makes me feel alive. It truly makes me feel like I am giving back to people in amazing ways. It's different from Reedley but in a good way. I'm serving people in a different way and for that I am grateful.

Like I said everyday in Texas is an adventure :)

Things I am thankful for

I've realized in the last few weeks after many job interviews and many rejections that I had been in a sort of I hate life mode. And everyone in it sort of slump. That nothing in my life was good enough. But that is not who I am or who I want to be. I realized that I haven't told God thank you in a while. That I haven't said thank you for everything good or bad.

So here is my list:

I'm thankful that my birth mom loved me enough to give me up.

I'm thankful that my parents, though they have their own issues, have loved me in their own ways unconditionally since the day they brought me home from the hospital.

I'm thankful for my Gma. She has been my rock. When I get the chance to go home (I'm headed up there tomorrow!) I'm reminded that on County Road 25 I can be 7 again.

I'm thankful for my amazing friends. The one's that have loved me unconditionally.

I'm thankful for my ability to get my bachelor's and my master's degree.

I'm thankful for God's grace, mercy and love. That no matter what I do He is always there with arm's wide open.

I'm thankful when I wake up in the morning.

I'm thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

I'm thankful for the amazing people that have walked into my life in the last few years.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. :)

Trying to contain my excitement

I said I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to start apartment searching, and looking at the surrounding cities and day dreaming of living there. But I'm ready. I'm ready to put everything in a u-haul and drive for over 1,300 miles to the town of Trophy Club, Texas.

I know its nuts right. Texas. I've never lived in another state. And here I am 25, single, unemployed and possibly jetting out on the most amazing adventure of my life. It feels like the next chapter is around the corner and I am ready. No what ifs, no I wonder if this happens, just ready and willing to go if the door is open.

Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow I find out if I made the top 2. If I make the top 2 I fly to Texas for my 2nd interview.

And if the call is not what I'm expecting then I will delete the bookmarks of apartments, stop staring at the town square and I will move on. But for today I will dream and dream big, at this point anything is possible.

Thoughts

So here is an update of my life in its current state :)

I have a phone interview tomorrow morning at 10a.m. with a city called Trophy Club in the good 'ol state of Texas. I'm excited to see what comes of it. It amazes me that any of these interviews could turn into a job in a blink of an eye.

Still sending in applications. Yesterday: Fair Oaks, Ca. Today; DeSoto, Tx.

I took a glorious 1.5 hour nap today and loved every minute of it.

I'm heading back home next weekend to see the girls and the Grandma. I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm excited to hang out, see my friends and family and take a moment.

I finished all my readings for this Thursday's class on Tuesday night. Go me. The paper due next Thursday: haven't even started. Ah the procrastination.

Speaking of procrastination: I checked out 10 books for my research paper but have yet to start my outline.

I started walking with Karen in the morning. My drive to exercise got lost along the way. To think last year at this time I was training for a half marathon. I'm pretty sure if I tried to run more than a few feet I would have to be taken to the hospital.

So that is the excitement in my life. Hope everyone is having a great week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crossroads

I'm not even sure where I should start with this post :)

I still find it interesting that it has been 3 months since my life was completely turned upside down. Who knew this would be the most amazing summer? Ever.

I think about where I would be today if I hadn't lost my job and the dominos hadn't started falling at a rapid pace. But then I wouldn't be right here, right where I know I'm supposed to be.

So here is the current status of my life:

My time in Mexico brought me closer to God, closer to amazing people in Reedley and pretty much changed my life. I had no idea what one week could do for me spiritually and mentally.

Then came the Tahoe interview, and the second Tahoe interview and the waiting. To be told I was over qualified. That's awesome. I'm 25 and overqualified? I solved that problem by eating my unique half pound box of See's Candy. Chocolate can always work wonders.

With that door closed I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Part of me wanted to sit on the floor like a child, throw a fit, and do nothing. Wait for everything to happen to me.

But of course I don't operate like that so I started my search again. I think I'm on application number 15! Applying everywhere and anywhere again. Doing some more waiting, but this time I feel less nervous and anxious. I know that the Lord will reveal his plan when the time is right.

The house sold and escrow closes on the 10th. Crazy to think I'm 25 and I've already bought and sold my first house, lost my first job...... I'm staying in Reedley for the time being and moving in with a lady that went to Mexico with us. She has the cutest mother in law unit in the back of her house so that will become home for the next time period in my life.

School started last week. Human resource management and independent study. Who's excited??? :) I'm ready for this year and this semester, lets hope my motiviation doesn't turn into procrastination.

I'm in week 2 of a temp job with the school district. I like it, and it's something to do which is nice. Makes me feel productive!

So this is the current state of my life. Even though it changes daily, I am truly blessed and happy. Happy to have a roof over my head, money in my pocket and a beautiful life to live.

I'm off to pack, hope everyone has an amazing week!!

Life is amazing and beautiful

This past weekend was AMAZING. I love my friends. And got to meet new ones such as Chloe, and Molly, and John. And got to experience Disneyland with some amazing people. Who couldn't have enjoyed that?

So here we are at beginning:

And then all of us on the Haunted Mansion ride Day 2:

AND MY FAVORITE RIDE:

California Adventure at night:

And us at the end:

Live like no one else, so you can live like no one else.

Who has read, listened to, learned and laughed with Dave Ramsey??

He teaches on financial freedom and his most commonly taught class is called financial peace university. While I am not currently enrolled in his class I am forever indebted to my dear friend Dawn for lending me the CD's from her class. They have given me hope when everything looked a little dim.

His main motto is "Live like no one else, so you can live like no else" This takes sacrifice, it takes going against the grain of the typical American. I'm done being the middle class citizen and I am going to work my way to financial freedom and wealth! Perfect timing when I'm unemployed with around $5,000 in debt looming over me!

He lists in your budget as necessities being food, clothing, transportation, utilities, and shelter. Basic stuff right???

The first thing I could knock off the necessities list is clothing! Who knew all of the Gma's shopping would help me in the long run!

I received my unemployment benefits statement yesterday, who knew the state would actually be timely on something??? :) And the monthly amount will cover the necessities listed. And that is it. Literally. Other than about $1,000 in savings I have no other money. Who knew the 3-6 months in expenses was a good idea??

But of course like the average American I have bills other than the necessities which include credit cards, cell phone bill (he covers basic phone in his necessities list, I'm wondering if my $79 bill is a necessity??? :)), gym membership, etc. These "bills" even with the credit cards at a minimum total $375 a month. Woah. Where am I going to find $375 a month even for one or two months until I find a job?

(And the sad part is the unemployment is $700 less than I made full time, and where did that money go??????)

One of Dave Ramsey's theories when you are in debt is to sell everything you can sell in your house until the kids think they are next.

So a lot of the extras that have filled my house are up on craigslist. Go check them out! I know what you are thinking! Am I losing it?? Selling my stuff? I can always buy new stuff later when I have the cash and the means to do so.

And the question that is resting on everyone's mind..the house. My first house. My own space. All mine. It's going on the market. I'm getting out from underneath it before I lose myself trying to hold on to something like a house. I am fourtante to have options in terms of place to live if the house sells before I have a job. And I am so greatful, it makes the decision to sell the house easier because I know I will not be homeless.

It finally hit me today after much speclation that this door is closing, not just the door that closed when I stopped working for the City but the door of living in the central valley. Today my therapist was walking through all my options with me and she said this and a light bulb when off: "You seem to already have one foot out the door." And I guess I do, it's like I've been slowly inching there. And while I know there are many people here that I love dearly, and memories, and places that I love it's time for the next chapter. And I know people will be dissapointed that I am leaving but I truly feel its time.

I've been hesistant to make decisions over the last month because I honestly think I wanted God to say here! Here is the perfect plan, I made it and here it is. And lay it out for me. And he hasn't completely done that. And I can't spend my life waiting for that moment of perfect clarity. Because that's be honest, when is God going to completely show us the cards??? I know he is walking beside me and I have to remember him in everything I do. If I make a poor decision I know it will be revealed and He will walk with me. Good or bad or indifferent He is here as long as I ask Him to be and I trust in Him. And I'm trusting in Him by taking this leap of faith and walking head first into my future. Wherever that may be.

New Adventures

After my last post my Summer Day Camp kids surprised me with a beautiful hand made sign and cupcakes! And then camping with my best friends from high school, it was nice to be home in Calaveras County. Makes me miss that place sometimes.

Came back to my cousin's on Sunday to get ready for my interview on Monday. Interviews make me nervous. I'd much rather be on the other side of the table which is where I've been for over the last two years. Because I'm my biggest critic I'm not sure how I did, I was the last of 14 people on Monday. I wanted to say "saved the best for last" but that was before I learned there was another day of interviews today. And if I get selected second interviews will be on Thursday.

So if that door closes where will I be?

That is a great question. And I have no idea where I will be but I do know that I'm ready for the adventure. Is it scary? Yes. Do I have any idea where I will end up? No. But I know that the Lord has the plan. He will open doors and he will close them. And I have to just keep walking through the open ones until they close. Keep applying for jobs until I'm chosen for that perfect one. I'm not sure when that will be. I'm not sure if I will stay in Reedley. Or if I move when that will be. I have learned over the last month that as much as I'd like to stay in my beautiful house in this beautiful town, there are plenty of opportunities out there. I am young, not tied down, pretty much the sky is the limit. As long as I'm willing to let it be. I'm learning to let go of the anxiety because as my trusted therapist told me anxiety is only worrying about what hasn't happened. Basically it's worrying about things only God has control over.

So back to my original question. If God closes the Elk Grove door tomorrow, I'm throwing my application out in these two places:

www.visittahoecity.com - for Recreation Coordinator almost identical to the one in Reedley.

http://ci.north-bend.wa.us/ - for a Recreation Supervisor in Athletics.

Both far from Reedley. Both in places I've never lived. But the beauty in this journey is that I know I will end up in the perfect place, better than I could imagine. And I can only sit back and enjoy the ride.

Both jobs close July 16th, so we shall see what happens......I'll keep you guys posted.