Almost two years ago I got news that rocked my world. News that pulled the carpet out from underneath my 25 year old self. I lost my job. I had no idea which way was up and I had no idea what my next step was. I stepped out blindly in faith and trusted that no matter what I would follow God's leading. I applied to over 50 jobs all over the US, all in my chosen field of recreation. Some people asked as months passed why I didn't pursue another field. I tried to explain it to them. But I'm sure most thought I was crazy. I felt then, as much as I do now that God had given me the heart, ability and drive to work in recreation. That deep inside who I am He was leading me. And so for six months I pursued only that passion. I pursued jobs only in that field. And I knew deep inside that God called me to love what I do and if that meant moving I would.
On the day I received my last unemployment check I accepted a position with the City of Sugar Land, Texas. I picked up my life and everything I had known for the last 25.5 years and moved across the country. To follow God, to follow a dream and to follow a passion. I wouldn't trade the last 13 months for anything. They have been the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, and inspiring months of my life. I have made some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for, friends I know I will have for the rest of my life.
But at the end of the day this post is called the truth. And the truth is that when I see the future, when I see what I want out of this life, I see California. And for a long time I've been afraid to admit that. I've been afraid to tell the people closest to me in Texas that I want to go home. I've been afraid to admit that the same passion and deep desire that I feel God placed on my heart about my profession is the same passion and desire that I feel about home. I've been afraid to admit that I want to go home because a small part of me feels like I've failed. That I should be completely grateful and content with everything that God has blessed me with. And I grateful. I am grateful for my amazing career, for my church, for my amazing friends.
But at the end of my life I know that I won't care about the titles, or the money I made. I will care that I was there to spend time with my family, to love on my Grandma in the last years of her life, to enjoy my Dad's retirement with him. To be able to have dinner with my best friend and her family in the middle of the week just because I can.
So if you are one of the people who are near and dear to my heart in Texas please know that I love you dearly! Please be gracious with me when I don't have the kindest things to say about Texas. Or when I make a reference to how great California is. Moving here is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done so please continue to show me grace. I pray that even as I share this news that this won't change anything between us.
No matter what happens I strive everyday to put God's plan before mine. To search and understand His heart and His plan for my life. I honestly have no idea whether that plan has California or Texas in it's future. But I'm praying for the strength to walk through any open doors He has for me or if a door is closed, to know that His plan is greater then anything I could imagine.
