It seems like as the years go by time flies faster. Is it really my birthday? Again?
So I started making a list in my head of all the amazing things that have happened over the last year:
Work - I struggled greatly over the last year with work and my place and purpose. Transitioning into programming has been such a great blessing. At the exact moment I thought I couldn't take it anymore God provided a way out. I'm so excited about summer camp and what the future holds in my career. I love that fact that while it's not everything I thought it was going to be, I've found the best within it. There are good days and there are bad ones, but I'm finding my niche within it.
CrossFit- I found something I absolutely love to do on a daily basis. It's hard, it kicks my butt everyday, and it challenges me. I want to hit new PR's, I want to be able to do a pull up one day without a band. I want to do CrossFit until someone tells me I can't do it anymore :) With it I've acquired an AMAZING group of friends. They are a dedicated, hard working, fun loving group of people.
Getting healthy- I've lost 35 pounds in the last year and I feel great. I feel strong, healthy, happy and confident. I've struggled with my weight for most of my 20's so it feels good to have finally gotten somewhere. It's been hard and challenging but worth every minute of being on the road to skinny :)
The girls- I can't say enough about the ladies in my small group at church. We're going to dinner tomorrow night and I can't wait to celebrate with them. When I moved here I never realized how hard it could be to make friends. But God has blessed me abundantly in that department. To all my ladies- I love you!
For some reason in the last couple of months turning 27 has freaked me out. I have some fear about the fact that I am heading straight towards 30 and I have no clear picture of what the future holds. If you asked my 17 year old self I would have spouted off some cookie cutter version of what my life would look like. For some reason I like to check things off lists, I hate when my life doesn't have a checklist. College. Check. First real job. Check. Grad school. Check. 27 and no check list. The things not checked off my list? A husband, children, the white picket fence.
Life is funny like that sometimes right? Everywhere you thought you'd be is no where near where you are. I'm learning to be ok with that. I've learned that I have no idea what's around the corner, I'm taking each day for the adventure that it is. The other day a dear friend told me that I need to embrace the moment. A lot of people never get the chance to see another state let alone live in one.
Three years ago I bought my first house, and celebrated my 24th birthday and housewarming party at the same time. If you had told me that three years later I would be living in South Texas I'm not sure I would have believed you. But that's the beauty of trusting and relying on God. When you let him lead, you have no idea where He will take you.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Truth
There is a topic that has been weighing heavy on my heart that I have felt the need to talk about and share. It's been said the truth will set you free. Sometimes though as humans we are afraid to tell the truth. We are afraid of what it might do to the relationships we have, to the people around us, and maybe even in small part to us.
Almost two years ago I got news that rocked my world. News that pulled the carpet out from underneath my 25 year old self. I lost my job. I had no idea which way was up and I had no idea what my next step was. I stepped out blindly in faith and trusted that no matter what I would follow God's leading. I applied to over 50 jobs all over the US, all in my chosen field of recreation. Some people asked as months passed why I didn't pursue another field. I tried to explain it to them. But I'm sure most thought I was crazy. I felt then, as much as I do now that God had given me the heart, ability and drive to work in recreation. That deep inside who I am He was leading me. And so for six months I pursued only that passion. I pursued jobs only in that field. And I knew deep inside that God called me to love what I do and if that meant moving I would.
On the day I received my last unemployment check I accepted a position with the City of Sugar Land, Texas. I picked up my life and everything I had known for the last 25.5 years and moved across the country. To follow God, to follow a dream and to follow a passion. I wouldn't trade the last 13 months for anything. They have been the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, and inspiring months of my life. I have made some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for, friends I know I will have for the rest of my life.
But at the end of the day this post is called the truth. And the truth is that when I see the future, when I see what I want out of this life, I see California. And for a long time I've been afraid to admit that. I've been afraid to tell the people closest to me in Texas that I want to go home. I've been afraid to admit that the same passion and deep desire that I feel God placed on my heart about my profession is the same passion and desire that I feel about home. I've been afraid to admit that I want to go home because a small part of me feels like I've failed. That I should be completely grateful and content with everything that God has blessed me with. And I grateful. I am grateful for my amazing career, for my church, for my amazing friends.
But at the end of my life I know that I won't care about the titles, or the money I made. I will care that I was there to spend time with my family, to love on my Grandma in the last years of her life, to enjoy my Dad's retirement with him. To be able to have dinner with my best friend and her family in the middle of the week just because I can.
So if you are one of the people who are near and dear to my heart in Texas please know that I love you dearly! Please be gracious with me when I don't have the kindest things to say about Texas. Or when I make a reference to how great California is. Moving here is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done so please continue to show me grace. I pray that even as I share this news that this won't change anything between us.
No matter what happens I strive everyday to put God's plan before mine. To search and understand His heart and His plan for my life. I honestly have no idea whether that plan has California or Texas in it's future. But I'm praying for the strength to walk through any open doors He has for me or if a door is closed, to know that His plan is greater then anything I could imagine.
Almost two years ago I got news that rocked my world. News that pulled the carpet out from underneath my 25 year old self. I lost my job. I had no idea which way was up and I had no idea what my next step was. I stepped out blindly in faith and trusted that no matter what I would follow God's leading. I applied to over 50 jobs all over the US, all in my chosen field of recreation. Some people asked as months passed why I didn't pursue another field. I tried to explain it to them. But I'm sure most thought I was crazy. I felt then, as much as I do now that God had given me the heart, ability and drive to work in recreation. That deep inside who I am He was leading me. And so for six months I pursued only that passion. I pursued jobs only in that field. And I knew deep inside that God called me to love what I do and if that meant moving I would.
On the day I received my last unemployment check I accepted a position with the City of Sugar Land, Texas. I picked up my life and everything I had known for the last 25.5 years and moved across the country. To follow God, to follow a dream and to follow a passion. I wouldn't trade the last 13 months for anything. They have been the most challenging, rewarding, heartbreaking, and inspiring months of my life. I have made some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for, friends I know I will have for the rest of my life.
But at the end of the day this post is called the truth. And the truth is that when I see the future, when I see what I want out of this life, I see California. And for a long time I've been afraid to admit that. I've been afraid to tell the people closest to me in Texas that I want to go home. I've been afraid to admit that the same passion and deep desire that I feel God placed on my heart about my profession is the same passion and desire that I feel about home. I've been afraid to admit that I want to go home because a small part of me feels like I've failed. That I should be completely grateful and content with everything that God has blessed me with. And I grateful. I am grateful for my amazing career, for my church, for my amazing friends.
But at the end of my life I know that I won't care about the titles, or the money I made. I will care that I was there to spend time with my family, to love on my Grandma in the last years of her life, to enjoy my Dad's retirement with him. To be able to have dinner with my best friend and her family in the middle of the week just because I can.
So if you are one of the people who are near and dear to my heart in Texas please know that I love you dearly! Please be gracious with me when I don't have the kindest things to say about Texas. Or when I make a reference to how great California is. Moving here is truly one of the hardest things I've ever done so please continue to show me grace. I pray that even as I share this news that this won't change anything between us.
No matter what happens I strive everyday to put God's plan before mine. To search and understand His heart and His plan for my life. I honestly have no idea whether that plan has California or Texas in it's future. But I'm praying for the strength to walk through any open doors He has for me or if a door is closed, to know that His plan is greater then anything I could imagine.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Family
Almost five months ago I walked into CrossFit Caveman ready to be challenged. Ready to get my workout on. Ready to be pushed past all my limitations.
And I've been pushed. I've done things that I never thought I could do. Like for instance yesterday I did a 75 pound squat clean. Say what? And then I did 60 ring dips. I've also managed to clear a 20" box on more then one occasion. I know it sounds absolutely crazy! But I LOVE it. I changed my eating habits in January and have gone completely Paleo! 20 pounds later I feel lighter and stronger. I seriously just feel better. I've kicked sugar cravings I thought I would have for the rest of my life. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without CrossFit.
But CrossFit is more then just a workout or a crazy senstation that has caught fire around the world. CrossFit is family. Everyday I'm amazed by the people that I get to see reach a new PR level, jump higher box jumps and push themselves past every limit. Our coaches push us and demand the best of us when we have nothing left to give. I am more often then not the last one to finish a workout but there is always someone close by encouraging me.
Outside of the cave these people have become some of my best friends. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without them it. We experienced an unexpected tragedy a few months ago that broke our hearts. But our bond grew even stronger. They have been there to help me move. They have been there when I've missed home so much it hurts. They've been there when I just wanted throw on my party dress and heels and head out for the night.
I truly believe that God places people in your path for a reason. I am so blessed and thankful to be a part of this amazing family. To know that no matter what life throws at us we will stick together.
We come from all walks of life and an age range that spans generations. But we have a common bond in finding out everyday what we are capable of.
And I've been pushed. I've done things that I never thought I could do. Like for instance yesterday I did a 75 pound squat clean. Say what? And then I did 60 ring dips. I've also managed to clear a 20" box on more then one occasion. I know it sounds absolutely crazy! But I LOVE it. I changed my eating habits in January and have gone completely Paleo! 20 pounds later I feel lighter and stronger. I seriously just feel better. I've kicked sugar cravings I thought I would have for the rest of my life. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without CrossFit.
But CrossFit is more then just a workout or a crazy senstation that has caught fire around the world. CrossFit is family. Everyday I'm amazed by the people that I get to see reach a new PR level, jump higher box jumps and push themselves past every limit. Our coaches push us and demand the best of us when we have nothing left to give. I am more often then not the last one to finish a workout but there is always someone close by encouraging me.
Outside of the cave these people have become some of my best friends. I can honestly say I can't imagine my life without them it. We experienced an unexpected tragedy a few months ago that broke our hearts. But our bond grew even stronger. They have been there to help me move. They have been there when I've missed home so much it hurts. They've been there when I just wanted throw on my party dress and heels and head out for the night.
I truly believe that God places people in your path for a reason. I am so blessed and thankful to be a part of this amazing family. To know that no matter what life throws at us we will stick together.
We come from all walks of life and an age range that spans generations. But we have a common bond in finding out everyday what we are capable of.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Small Group
Sitting at my desk this morning at work I grabbed my camera and started clicking through pictures. Dancing in the parking lot of BJ's. Gangster poses in the lobby on our way out. Watching Hailey open gifts. I smiled and laughed as I recalled all the hilarious moments of Hailey's surprise birthday dinner. I thought to myself I have the most amazing friends.
As I sat at my desk my mind traveled back to my first week in Texas, almost 10 months ago. I had officially been in Texas for one day and already had a church I wanted to try out. As Amy and I sat in the back row of this new place, she leaned over and said "you need to look at this!" She handed me a book filled with all the different small groups that I could potentially sign up for. I remember flipping through the book thinking I would love to join a ladies small group, this could be fun! By the end of the service I dropped my communication card in the offering basket and had picked two small groups that I was interested in.
Almost a week after that first Sunday the enormity of my decision to follow God's prompting and move half way across the country had sunk in. I remember sinking down against the wall in my bedroom as tears streamed down my face. It had been one of those days that other then a few conversations with coworkers I had not talked to anyone else the entire day. I don't think I have ever felt so truly alone. I've always been the one surrounded by friends, making plans with people and here I was without a single person to go hang out with. I remember praying with a friend in California that God would bless me with friends that would be true sisters in Christ and that I would friends who would truly uplift me.
My eyes welled up with tears this morning as I remembered the fear and the heartache that came with not knowing anyone when I first got here and the realization that true friends are some of the most blessed gifts God can give us.
I continued to click through pictures as I thought of how far I've come in the last 10 months. How amazing my friends in Texas are, that they have always been there with a laugh or a smile or an awesome verse to help me through the tough times. Though this journey has been a tough one I wouldn't trade the tears or the fear for anything.
This adventure has taught me that God will carry us through the toughest points in our lives and that He will always, always put people in our path that will make this journey even more amazing. I am thankful everyday for his grace, his guidance, and his love. And for bringing me the most amazing friends and small group any girl could ask for.
As I sat at my desk my mind traveled back to my first week in Texas, almost 10 months ago. I had officially been in Texas for one day and already had a church I wanted to try out. As Amy and I sat in the back row of this new place, she leaned over and said "you need to look at this!" She handed me a book filled with all the different small groups that I could potentially sign up for. I remember flipping through the book thinking I would love to join a ladies small group, this could be fun! By the end of the service I dropped my communication card in the offering basket and had picked two small groups that I was interested in.
Almost a week after that first Sunday the enormity of my decision to follow God's prompting and move half way across the country had sunk in. I remember sinking down against the wall in my bedroom as tears streamed down my face. It had been one of those days that other then a few conversations with coworkers I had not talked to anyone else the entire day. I don't think I have ever felt so truly alone. I've always been the one surrounded by friends, making plans with people and here I was without a single person to go hang out with. I remember praying with a friend in California that God would bless me with friends that would be true sisters in Christ and that I would friends who would truly uplift me.
My eyes welled up with tears this morning as I remembered the fear and the heartache that came with not knowing anyone when I first got here and the realization that true friends are some of the most blessed gifts God can give us.
I continued to click through pictures as I thought of how far I've come in the last 10 months. How amazing my friends in Texas are, that they have always been there with a laugh or a smile or an awesome verse to help me through the tough times. Though this journey has been a tough one I wouldn't trade the tears or the fear for anything.
This adventure has taught me that God will carry us through the toughest points in our lives and that He will always, always put people in our path that will make this journey even more amazing. I am thankful everyday for his grace, his guidance, and his love. And for bringing me the most amazing friends and small group any girl could ask for.
Friday, August 5, 2011
One life....
One of my favorite songs is called One Life to Love by 33 mile.
Here is the chorus:
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life...
To love....
I love this song. That God created us to be on this earth to love others as he loves us everyday. When you are able to see and hear the voices on the ones you love and care for on a regular basis this becomes habit, it becomes common place. You take them for granted and you know that whenever you need them they will be there.
When you move half way across the country, that habit is no longer common place. It's almost as if God wanted to remind me of all the amazing people in my life by putting me 1500 miles away. Appreciation for those in your life takes on a completely new meaning. I will be honest, and most of those close to me know, that I have struggled with this the most since I have left. Partially I think because being an only child I have always been so independent. Though I loved my friends and family dearly, part of me has always been able to be by myself, and I always felt like I could forge my own path. If my friends and family came with me, awesome, if not I could still do it on my own.
I've come to realize I can't do it all on my own. That most of all I have to lean on my faith and my understanding that God's plan is surely the best option, but not my first. And that family and friends were created to show the love and grace that God displays to us everyday.
The people closest to me love me despite my faults. Though I snap at my mother on occasion she loves me regardless. Though I can be difficult and sulky when I'm in a bad mood my friends love me dearly. Though I can be bossy and demanding and at times want things only my way, my friends extend grace.
Next week at this time I will be home. Everyday trip home a different piece of my heart feels something new. This trip though I'm not looking at it through the window of what am I missing out on? But instead I'm looking at as this: look at the amazing people in my life. That are excited to have me home, that are making time in their busy schedules to spend time with me. And I can only think of one feeling to describe how I feel.
BLESSED.
Here is the chorus:
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance, to find out
The one thing that you don't wanna miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough, this
One ride, one try, one life...
To love....
I love this song. That God created us to be on this earth to love others as he loves us everyday. When you are able to see and hear the voices on the ones you love and care for on a regular basis this becomes habit, it becomes common place. You take them for granted and you know that whenever you need them they will be there.
When you move half way across the country, that habit is no longer common place. It's almost as if God wanted to remind me of all the amazing people in my life by putting me 1500 miles away. Appreciation for those in your life takes on a completely new meaning. I will be honest, and most of those close to me know, that I have struggled with this the most since I have left. Partially I think because being an only child I have always been so independent. Though I loved my friends and family dearly, part of me has always been able to be by myself, and I always felt like I could forge my own path. If my friends and family came with me, awesome, if not I could still do it on my own.
I've come to realize I can't do it all on my own. That most of all I have to lean on my faith and my understanding that God's plan is surely the best option, but not my first. And that family and friends were created to show the love and grace that God displays to us everyday.
The people closest to me love me despite my faults. Though I snap at my mother on occasion she loves me regardless. Though I can be difficult and sulky when I'm in a bad mood my friends love me dearly. Though I can be bossy and demanding and at times want things only my way, my friends extend grace.
Next week at this time I will be home. Everyday trip home a different piece of my heart feels something new. This trip though I'm not looking at it through the window of what am I missing out on? But instead I'm looking at as this: look at the amazing people in my life. That are excited to have me home, that are making time in their busy schedules to spend time with me. And I can only think of one feeling to describe how I feel.
BLESSED.
Friday, May 6, 2011
My 26th Birthday
I woke up this morning and I could describe my emotions in one work: GRATEFUL
I am grateful to be alive. I'm grateful that God has blessed me with another year on earth. I am grateful that it is not only my birthday but payday, and my day off. I am grateful that I have a job and roof over my head. I am grateful that tonight I get the chance to spend my birthday with my amazing small group.
I think back over the last year and I can't help but smile. For all the lessons, for all the tears, for all the memories. I have learned more about faith, grace, love, redemption, and the true meaning of life in this world in the last year than I think I've ever learned in my entire life.
I am so grateful for the love that the Lord has shown me, how he grabbed my attention last year, making me realize that this life is too short to hold onto worldly goods.
I think back to my 25th birthday, going to the coast with Denise. I remember waking up that morning and thinking wow! How can my life get anymore perfect? I've got a house, a job, friends, a car. All the things I've ever wanted. But I was missing the biggest piece: an intimate and loving relationship with our Creator.
Over the course of the last year I have lost my job, my house, put everything I own in storage, experienced God's goodness in Mexico, ministered to a crazy bunch of high school students, packed what I could into my car and moved my entire life to South Texas.
Here I am. 26 years old. Starting out again in South Texas. I've got a roof over my head, a job and a steady pay check, and an amazing group of friends, and a relationship with God that has become the only thing I can rely on. I feel blessed beyond measure for everything I've been given in the last year. God is good, life is good and all I can do is take each day for what it truly is: a gift.
Check out this video, it's my slogan for the year:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XZ12nrz47U&feature=related
I am grateful to be alive. I'm grateful that God has blessed me with another year on earth. I am grateful that it is not only my birthday but payday, and my day off. I am grateful that I have a job and roof over my head. I am grateful that tonight I get the chance to spend my birthday with my amazing small group.
I think back over the last year and I can't help but smile. For all the lessons, for all the tears, for all the memories. I have learned more about faith, grace, love, redemption, and the true meaning of life in this world in the last year than I think I've ever learned in my entire life.
I am so grateful for the love that the Lord has shown me, how he grabbed my attention last year, making me realize that this life is too short to hold onto worldly goods.
I think back to my 25th birthday, going to the coast with Denise. I remember waking up that morning and thinking wow! How can my life get anymore perfect? I've got a house, a job, friends, a car. All the things I've ever wanted. But I was missing the biggest piece: an intimate and loving relationship with our Creator.
Over the course of the last year I have lost my job, my house, put everything I own in storage, experienced God's goodness in Mexico, ministered to a crazy bunch of high school students, packed what I could into my car and moved my entire life to South Texas.
Here I am. 26 years old. Starting out again in South Texas. I've got a roof over my head, a job and a steady pay check, and an amazing group of friends, and a relationship with God that has become the only thing I can rely on. I feel blessed beyond measure for everything I've been given in the last year. God is good, life is good and all I can do is take each day for what it truly is: a gift.
Check out this video, it's my slogan for the year:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XZ12nrz47U&feature=related
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The little things
The older I get, the more I have come to appreciate the little things in life. I got one of those "little things" in the mail today, and in the state of my life in recent times I busted into tears.
This little thing came in the form of an early birthday card and the inside of the card read this:
Marge!
I know that this is the first year I can't be next to you as you blow out your candles but I want you to know how much I love you, and thank God everyday that you are in my life! Have an amazing birthday! You rock!
Funny how a card can bring tears to your eyes and a smile to your face. This card was from my best friend - Amy Nicole Ballinger. And she's right, in the last 12 years she's been there for every birthday. I think back over the years, all the memories, all the laughs, all the moments that we share and I can't help but smile. I know growing up we needed each other and even through the chaos of college we stayed best friends. I wouldn't trade any of our memories because they have ultimately, at 26 shaped a lot of who I am today.
When I dropped her off at the Houston airport in January, I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my entire life. I felt like part of my life and former self were heading back home, and I was some little kid left here all by myself. But I know she is only a phone call away, day or night. I thank God everyday for putting her witty, talented and charming self in my life all those years ago.
Thanks for making my early birthday friend- love and miss you dearly.
This little thing came in the form of an early birthday card and the inside of the card read this:
Marge!
I know that this is the first year I can't be next to you as you blow out your candles but I want you to know how much I love you, and thank God everyday that you are in my life! Have an amazing birthday! You rock!
Funny how a card can bring tears to your eyes and a smile to your face. This card was from my best friend - Amy Nicole Ballinger. And she's right, in the last 12 years she's been there for every birthday. I think back over the years, all the memories, all the laughs, all the moments that we share and I can't help but smile. I know growing up we needed each other and even through the chaos of college we stayed best friends. I wouldn't trade any of our memories because they have ultimately, at 26 shaped a lot of who I am today.
When I dropped her off at the Houston airport in January, I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my entire life. I felt like part of my life and former self were heading back home, and I was some little kid left here all by myself. But I know she is only a phone call away, day or night. I thank God everyday for putting her witty, talented and charming self in my life all those years ago.
Thanks for making my early birthday friend- love and miss you dearly.
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