I woke up this morning and I could describe my emotions in one work: GRATEFUL
I am grateful to be alive. I'm grateful that God has blessed me with another year on earth. I am grateful that it is not only my birthday but payday, and my day off. I am grateful that I have a job and roof over my head. I am grateful that tonight I get the chance to spend my birthday with my amazing small group.
I think back over the last year and I can't help but smile. For all the lessons, for all the tears, for all the memories. I have learned more about faith, grace, love, redemption, and the true meaning of life in this world in the last year than I think I've ever learned in my entire life.
I am so grateful for the love that the Lord has shown me, how he grabbed my attention last year, making me realize that this life is too short to hold onto worldly goods.
I think back to my 25th birthday, going to the coast with Denise. I remember waking up that morning and thinking wow! How can my life get anymore perfect? I've got a house, a job, friends, a car. All the things I've ever wanted. But I was missing the biggest piece: an intimate and loving relationship with our Creator.
Over the course of the last year I have lost my job, my house, put everything I own in storage, experienced God's goodness in Mexico, ministered to a crazy bunch of high school students, packed what I could into my car and moved my entire life to South Texas.
Here I am. 26 years old. Starting out again in South Texas. I've got a roof over my head, a job and a steady pay check, and an amazing group of friends, and a relationship with God that has become the only thing I can rely on. I feel blessed beyond measure for everything I've been given in the last year. God is good, life is good and all I can do is take each day for what it truly is: a gift.
Check out this video, it's my slogan for the year:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XZ12nrz47U&feature=related
Friday, May 6, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The little things
The older I get, the more I have come to appreciate the little things in life. I got one of those "little things" in the mail today, and in the state of my life in recent times I busted into tears.
This little thing came in the form of an early birthday card and the inside of the card read this:
Marge!
I know that this is the first year I can't be next to you as you blow out your candles but I want you to know how much I love you, and thank God everyday that you are in my life! Have an amazing birthday! You rock!
Funny how a card can bring tears to your eyes and a smile to your face. This card was from my best friend - Amy Nicole Ballinger. And she's right, in the last 12 years she's been there for every birthday. I think back over the years, all the memories, all the laughs, all the moments that we share and I can't help but smile. I know growing up we needed each other and even through the chaos of college we stayed best friends. I wouldn't trade any of our memories because they have ultimately, at 26 shaped a lot of who I am today.
When I dropped her off at the Houston airport in January, I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my entire life. I felt like part of my life and former self were heading back home, and I was some little kid left here all by myself. But I know she is only a phone call away, day or night. I thank God everyday for putting her witty, talented and charming self in my life all those years ago.
Thanks for making my early birthday friend- love and miss you dearly.
This little thing came in the form of an early birthday card and the inside of the card read this:
Marge!
I know that this is the first year I can't be next to you as you blow out your candles but I want you to know how much I love you, and thank God everyday that you are in my life! Have an amazing birthday! You rock!
Funny how a card can bring tears to your eyes and a smile to your face. This card was from my best friend - Amy Nicole Ballinger. And she's right, in the last 12 years she's been there for every birthday. I think back over the years, all the memories, all the laughs, all the moments that we share and I can't help but smile. I know growing up we needed each other and even through the chaos of college we stayed best friends. I wouldn't trade any of our memories because they have ultimately, at 26 shaped a lot of who I am today.
When I dropped her off at the Houston airport in January, I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my entire life. I felt like part of my life and former self were heading back home, and I was some little kid left here all by myself. But I know she is only a phone call away, day or night. I thank God everyday for putting her witty, talented and charming self in my life all those years ago.
Thanks for making my early birthday friend- love and miss you dearly.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Open Space
There is something to be said about open space. A place where you can come and enjoy being outside, the way God intended it to be. Where the grass is natural and hasn't been cut. Where the tree branches are not trimmed and grow which ever direction they would like. Where flowers pop out of the ground where ever they want. Where birds sing. And you cannot hear even the faintest reminder of the world outside.
I found that today. Every Wednesday I drive to my small group and pass by a park. Situated just on the outside of the city limits of Sugar Land, this park is owned by the City of Houston. Even from the entrance I knew it had to be something beautiful. It couldn't be tamed or manicured or cut with a mower.
Leaving the library this afternoon I knew that I couldn't just go back and sit in my apartment. 80 degrees and blue skies prevented me from doing anything but finding a beautiful place to enjoy outside.
I knew my destination as I turned onto Highway 6….Cullinan Park on the outskirts of Sugar Land. I think I would have loved to meet the woman that donated the park. On a plaque near the beginning of the park it says donated as "a place of beauty and peacefulness in this city" I'm not sure she knew how much that would mean as the everything around this park continues to grow into a complete and total metropolitan area.
The beginning of the park takes you out on a boardwalk over a beautiful pond, you can fish, you can sightsee, you can sit. You can watch the ducks and birds play. Though I loved this part of the park I wondered there had to be more to this gorgeous park than just the pond. And I found it, a path leading into this beautiful and untamed open space.
I wanted to kiss the ground. I seriously wondered if I had moved to a part of the world that had no open space, but then just like in everything else God provides. So I walked for probably about 15 minutes down this trail and I wished I had tennis shoes on and not flip flops but still I was taking it all in. The smells, the birds, the trees.
There is something about open space that makes me feel closer to God. I've always said I would love to live out in the middle of no where and everyday I spend in the Houston-Sugar Land area I realize that is so very true. I'm not made for the city. I wasn't designed to live where there are more people than trees. I was designed to live in places like this. Where trees grow where ever they would like, where you can hear the birds and not the bustle of traffic. I was made for a place that you can hear nothing but nature, that you can walk for hours on a dirt path and never see the same things twice.
While I have no idea if I will ever get the chance to live in my middle of no where again, I know that I have found a little bit of heaven out there all the way in South Texas.
I found that today. Every Wednesday I drive to my small group and pass by a park. Situated just on the outside of the city limits of Sugar Land, this park is owned by the City of Houston. Even from the entrance I knew it had to be something beautiful. It couldn't be tamed or manicured or cut with a mower.
Leaving the library this afternoon I knew that I couldn't just go back and sit in my apartment. 80 degrees and blue skies prevented me from doing anything but finding a beautiful place to enjoy outside.
I knew my destination as I turned onto Highway 6….Cullinan Park on the outskirts of Sugar Land. I think I would have loved to meet the woman that donated the park. On a plaque near the beginning of the park it says donated as "a place of beauty and peacefulness in this city" I'm not sure she knew how much that would mean as the everything around this park continues to grow into a complete and total metropolitan area.
The beginning of the park takes you out on a boardwalk over a beautiful pond, you can fish, you can sightsee, you can sit. You can watch the ducks and birds play. Though I loved this part of the park I wondered there had to be more to this gorgeous park than just the pond. And I found it, a path leading into this beautiful and untamed open space.
I wanted to kiss the ground. I seriously wondered if I had moved to a part of the world that had no open space, but then just like in everything else God provides. So I walked for probably about 15 minutes down this trail and I wished I had tennis shoes on and not flip flops but still I was taking it all in. The smells, the birds, the trees.
There is something about open space that makes me feel closer to God. I've always said I would love to live out in the middle of no where and everyday I spend in the Houston-Sugar Land area I realize that is so very true. I'm not made for the city. I wasn't designed to live where there are more people than trees. I was designed to live in places like this. Where trees grow where ever they would like, where you can hear the birds and not the bustle of traffic. I was made for a place that you can hear nothing but nature, that you can walk for hours on a dirt path and never see the same things twice.
While I have no idea if I will ever get the chance to live in my middle of no where again, I know that I have found a little bit of heaven out there all the way in South Texas.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Everyday
Everyday in Texas is an adventure. It's an adventure with the people, with places, with my emotions. I've been in Texas a little over a month ago and there are times when I find myself literally stopping to think, wait, How did I really end up here?
I feel like in the scheme of things my life has been a HUGE blur since the middle of January. Though I have been an active participant I feel as at times that I was watching someone else star in my life, I was watching someone else make decisions and then all of a sudden here I am in South Texas.
I don't want to this post to sound like a pity party and for everyone to wonder why I'm scared now when I was the one practically running out of California. I'm just trying to understand this journey myself. There are days when I am perfectly fine and can feel God speaking love and truth into my life and saying this is exactly where I am supposed to be. And then there are other days when I miss California with every being and every fiber of my body.
Today in church our pastor talked about how when opportunities are presented to you (and they may be amazing!) and then when you take that opportunity, other options are taken off the table. I realized that many options were taken off the table when I decided to walk through this door that God opened for me. It meant leaving people behind, not being able to drive home at the drop of the hat or see those that I love on monthly basis. But with closed doors in one place comes a new happiness in others.
And that happiness comes from the "God-hard" not from the "Human Easy". This journey to South Texas has been filled with every part of God-hard. The road trip out here was "human-easy". Making the decision after 7 months of unemployment was "human-easy". But staying here and realizing I made a promise to God and to those that hired me was "God-hard". I have come to realize over the last few weeks that I made this journey for God. That God opened this door for me and I had to have enough faith to step out of my "bubble" and come to a place that is completely different from everything I have ever known.
But that is the beauty in everyday in South Texas. I have had some amazing moments so far, here are just a few:
1. My small group
I joined a ladies 25-35 year old small group and haven't looked back. I've told them before that I would probably packed up my car and been back to California if I hadn't forged such a close bond with them in such a short time. They were inviting, loving, welcoming, and caring. An amazing, amazing group of women that I am proud to call my friends.
2. Drive
Ya'll know how much I loved Stretch at my church in Reedley and tonight I got the chance to check out high school ministry at my church here in Sugar Land. It's called Drive. And I loved it. The youth pastor said something that touched my heart: "We prayed for leadership, and look at this, you drop in from California" I remember when I left Reedley my fellow high school ministry leaders wrote in my good bye card: BE BOLD EXTEND HIS KINGDOM. I am trying so very hard and I pray that God can use me in any fashion of high school ministry here in Sugar Land.
3. My job
I never realized how much I truly have found my calling until I got the chance to do it again. When I wasn't working it was always in the back of my head that maybe I loved it so much because I wasn't doing it anymore. But I love it because it truly makes me feel alive. It truly makes me feel like I am giving back to people in amazing ways. It's different from Reedley but in a good way. I'm serving people in a different way and for that I am grateful.
Like I said everyday in Texas is an adventure :)
I feel like in the scheme of things my life has been a HUGE blur since the middle of January. Though I have been an active participant I feel as at times that I was watching someone else star in my life, I was watching someone else make decisions and then all of a sudden here I am in South Texas.
I don't want to this post to sound like a pity party and for everyone to wonder why I'm scared now when I was the one practically running out of California. I'm just trying to understand this journey myself. There are days when I am perfectly fine and can feel God speaking love and truth into my life and saying this is exactly where I am supposed to be. And then there are other days when I miss California with every being and every fiber of my body.
Today in church our pastor talked about how when opportunities are presented to you (and they may be amazing!) and then when you take that opportunity, other options are taken off the table. I realized that many options were taken off the table when I decided to walk through this door that God opened for me. It meant leaving people behind, not being able to drive home at the drop of the hat or see those that I love on monthly basis. But with closed doors in one place comes a new happiness in others.
And that happiness comes from the "God-hard" not from the "Human Easy". This journey to South Texas has been filled with every part of God-hard. The road trip out here was "human-easy". Making the decision after 7 months of unemployment was "human-easy". But staying here and realizing I made a promise to God and to those that hired me was "God-hard". I have come to realize over the last few weeks that I made this journey for God. That God opened this door for me and I had to have enough faith to step out of my "bubble" and come to a place that is completely different from everything I have ever known.
But that is the beauty in everyday in South Texas. I have had some amazing moments so far, here are just a few:
1. My small group
I joined a ladies 25-35 year old small group and haven't looked back. I've told them before that I would probably packed up my car and been back to California if I hadn't forged such a close bond with them in such a short time. They were inviting, loving, welcoming, and caring. An amazing, amazing group of women that I am proud to call my friends.
2. Drive
Ya'll know how much I loved Stretch at my church in Reedley and tonight I got the chance to check out high school ministry at my church here in Sugar Land. It's called Drive. And I loved it. The youth pastor said something that touched my heart: "We prayed for leadership, and look at this, you drop in from California" I remember when I left Reedley my fellow high school ministry leaders wrote in my good bye card: BE BOLD EXTEND HIS KINGDOM. I am trying so very hard and I pray that God can use me in any fashion of high school ministry here in Sugar Land.
3. My job
I never realized how much I truly have found my calling until I got the chance to do it again. When I wasn't working it was always in the back of my head that maybe I loved it so much because I wasn't doing it anymore. But I love it because it truly makes me feel alive. It truly makes me feel like I am giving back to people in amazing ways. It's different from Reedley but in a good way. I'm serving people in a different way and for that I am grateful.
Like I said everyday in Texas is an adventure :)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Enjoying my Sunday
There are some days when I relish in doing nothing, or doing everything, or doing something that I really want to do. This Sunday started out with Financial Peace University and a great worship service at the bridge. Then I went home and dug into the fridge for some lunch. I ate it standing at the kitchen counter, seeing as I have no furniture yet.
Then I decided to work on my budget (see Financial Peace University above) and then because it was my Sunday and my day to do what I wanted with it, I took a nap and enjoyed the whole 1.5 hours of drooling on my pillow.
I got up from my nap determined to read and work on my paper. This last semester of grad school is lingering in the background, and though I know I have to do it to graduate, I really have no desire to do any of it. But regardless of my mini-pity party, I sat down and started reading. Then I decided, needing internet that I would go grab some dinner at Panera and use their free WI-FI. Yes I know it is Super Bowl Sunday, but I'm not watching it. Crazy I know.
This weekend I also took cookies to my neighbors and introduced myself. I like to think of it has a reverse "welcome to the neighborhood". And I loved meeting them. At first I was panicking, like I can't do this! These people are going to think I'm nuts (or nosy) knocking on their door introducing myself. But I couldn't help it. And it's amazing to see what happens when you left your fears go and you do something out of the ordinary. People are nice, they offer you their husbands for household problems, or their sugar if you need some for baking. And where would I be if I hadn't introduced myself? Still sitting in my apartment thinking my neighbors were rude and selfish. But instead I know there is the cute couple next door with a newborn baby, the couple upstairs that just moved here from Georgia and Florida, and the old lady downstairs originally from Ohio. If I hadn't taken the time of out of my day to introduce myself I never would have met them.
So I'm writing this sitting in Panera, not much farther on my paper, but I'm happy and content. I'm taking in my surroundings one day at a time, and learning to love this new adventure that I find myself in. Grateful for the new adventure, the job, the apartment, church and my small group. All because I let God take the reins, because I stopped being fearful and just started living. Living for a God that loves me no matter what. But like I said, I'm just enjoying another Sunday in south Texas.
Then I decided to work on my budget (see Financial Peace University above) and then because it was my Sunday and my day to do what I wanted with it, I took a nap and enjoyed the whole 1.5 hours of drooling on my pillow.
I got up from my nap determined to read and work on my paper. This last semester of grad school is lingering in the background, and though I know I have to do it to graduate, I really have no desire to do any of it. But regardless of my mini-pity party, I sat down and started reading. Then I decided, needing internet that I would go grab some dinner at Panera and use their free WI-FI. Yes I know it is Super Bowl Sunday, but I'm not watching it. Crazy I know.
This weekend I also took cookies to my neighbors and introduced myself. I like to think of it has a reverse "welcome to the neighborhood". And I loved meeting them. At first I was panicking, like I can't do this! These people are going to think I'm nuts (or nosy) knocking on their door introducing myself. But I couldn't help it. And it's amazing to see what happens when you left your fears go and you do something out of the ordinary. People are nice, they offer you their husbands for household problems, or their sugar if you need some for baking. And where would I be if I hadn't introduced myself? Still sitting in my apartment thinking my neighbors were rude and selfish. But instead I know there is the cute couple next door with a newborn baby, the couple upstairs that just moved here from Georgia and Florida, and the old lady downstairs originally from Ohio. If I hadn't taken the time of out of my day to introduce myself I never would have met them.
So I'm writing this sitting in Panera, not much farther on my paper, but I'm happy and content. I'm taking in my surroundings one day at a time, and learning to love this new adventure that I find myself in. Grateful for the new adventure, the job, the apartment, church and my small group. All because I let God take the reins, because I stopped being fearful and just started living. Living for a God that loves me no matter what. But like I said, I'm just enjoying another Sunday in south Texas.
Friday, January 28, 2011
New adventures
I am not scared or worried and I am honestly excited for the ride ahead.
This was a line I wrote in one of my lasts posts. I'm not scared. I'm terrified. This has been one of the most emotional week of my life. I have officially been in Texas for a week and have finished my first week of work.
Its starting to sink in. This HUGE decision is starting to sink in. I found myself Monday night in my empty apartment sobbing because I am here all by myself. And I know it sounds exactly like a pity party. And it was. The reality that I am 1700 miles from those that I love dearly stings a lot. But at the same time I know that this exactly where I am supposed to be.
I know this will pass. It won't be like this forever. I will meet new people and I will make friends and I won't always feel like just another person in the sea. God is in control and I have to stop worrying about the unknown. All I know is today.
I am so very grateful that the Stegall's are close by and I get the chance to hang out with them. Its a glimpse and reminder of home.
So excited to head back to the church I found last Sunday called The Bridge and get to know some people there.
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.
Love,
Marge
This was a line I wrote in one of my lasts posts. I'm not scared. I'm terrified. This has been one of the most emotional week of my life. I have officially been in Texas for a week and have finished my first week of work.
Its starting to sink in. This HUGE decision is starting to sink in. I found myself Monday night in my empty apartment sobbing because I am here all by myself. And I know it sounds exactly like a pity party. And it was. The reality that I am 1700 miles from those that I love dearly stings a lot. But at the same time I know that this exactly where I am supposed to be.
I know this will pass. It won't be like this forever. I will meet new people and I will make friends and I won't always feel like just another person in the sea. God is in control and I have to stop worrying about the unknown. All I know is today.
I am so very grateful that the Stegall's are close by and I get the chance to hang out with them. Its a glimpse and reminder of home.
So excited to head back to the church I found last Sunday called The Bridge and get to know some people there.
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.
Love,
Marge
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Things I've learned
So Amy and I roadtripped it across the United States. 3 states, 28+ hours, and 9.5 hours of sleep later we have arrived.
And I love Sugar Land.
And Texas.
So these are the things I've learned so far:
HEB- is a grocery store that stands for Here Everythings Better.
The speed limit on parts of the 10 is 80 MPH
They have frontage roads that follow along side the freeway so you don't have to get on and off all the time.
Their don't liter signs say: Don't Mess with Texas
No bars in Sugar Land and parts of the City are dry.
The signs near road construction say: We work for you, give us a BRAKE
DWI: You can't afford it
On two lane freeways you are supposed to only be on the left lane when you are passing.
People are super friendly and nice.
The list will continue, but so far that is what we have discovered. I love it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I love Sugar Land.
And Texas.
So these are the things I've learned so far:
HEB- is a grocery store that stands for Here Everythings Better.
The speed limit on parts of the 10 is 80 MPH
They have frontage roads that follow along side the freeway so you don't have to get on and off all the time.
Their don't liter signs say: Don't Mess with Texas
No bars in Sugar Land and parts of the City are dry.
The signs near road construction say: We work for you, give us a BRAKE
DWI: You can't afford it
On two lane freeways you are supposed to only be on the left lane when you are passing.
People are super friendly and nice.
The list will continue, but so far that is what we have discovered. I love it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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