I am not scared or worried and I am honestly excited for the ride ahead.
This was a line I wrote in one of my lasts posts. I'm not scared. I'm terrified. This has been one of the most emotional week of my life. I have officially been in Texas for a week and have finished my first week of work.
Its starting to sink in. This HUGE decision is starting to sink in. I found myself Monday night in my empty apartment sobbing because I am here all by myself. And I know it sounds exactly like a pity party. And it was. The reality that I am 1700 miles from those that I love dearly stings a lot. But at the same time I know that this exactly where I am supposed to be.
I know this will pass. It won't be like this forever. I will meet new people and I will make friends and I won't always feel like just another person in the sea. God is in control and I have to stop worrying about the unknown. All I know is today.
I am so very grateful that the Stegall's are close by and I get the chance to hang out with them. Its a glimpse and reminder of home.
So excited to head back to the church I found last Sunday called The Bridge and get to know some people there.
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.
Love,
Marge
Friday, January 28, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Things I've learned
So Amy and I roadtripped it across the United States. 3 states, 28+ hours, and 9.5 hours of sleep later we have arrived.
And I love Sugar Land.
And Texas.
So these are the things I've learned so far:
HEB- is a grocery store that stands for Here Everythings Better.
The speed limit on parts of the 10 is 80 MPH
They have frontage roads that follow along side the freeway so you don't have to get on and off all the time.
Their don't liter signs say: Don't Mess with Texas
No bars in Sugar Land and parts of the City are dry.
The signs near road construction say: We work for you, give us a BRAKE
DWI: You can't afford it
On two lane freeways you are supposed to only be on the left lane when you are passing.
People are super friendly and nice.
The list will continue, but so far that is what we have discovered. I love it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I love Sugar Land.
And Texas.
So these are the things I've learned so far:
HEB- is a grocery store that stands for Here Everythings Better.
The speed limit on parts of the 10 is 80 MPH
They have frontage roads that follow along side the freeway so you don't have to get on and off all the time.
Their don't liter signs say: Don't Mess with Texas
No bars in Sugar Land and parts of the City are dry.
The signs near road construction say: We work for you, give us a BRAKE
DWI: You can't afford it
On two lane freeways you are supposed to only be on the left lane when you are passing.
People are super friendly and nice.
The list will continue, but so far that is what we have discovered. I love it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Blessed
I know you have missed me! And I have missed blogging. Where has the time gone? It is the 17th of January and this is my first post for 2011. To my faithful readers, who ever you are, my apologizes. (This one is for you Tore)
So right before I started writing this post I was searching for apartments. Yes, apartments. In Texas. What??????
6 months, 50 applications, and 16 interviews later, I have a job. I have a job. Can you believe it? I am so excited.
I am the athletics/aquatics coordinator for the City of Sugar Land in the great state of Texas. I still can't believe it is real. It hasn't sunk in yet. I am blessed beyond measure and am completely confident that our gracious and heavenly Father has His hand in this entire process. I am not scared or worried and I am honestly excited for the ride ahead.
Love,
Marge
So right before I started writing this post I was searching for apartments. Yes, apartments. In Texas. What??????
6 months, 50 applications, and 16 interviews later, I have a job. I have a job. Can you believe it? I am so excited.
I am the athletics/aquatics coordinator for the City of Sugar Land in the great state of Texas. I still can't believe it is real. It hasn't sunk in yet. I am blessed beyond measure and am completely confident that our gracious and heavenly Father has His hand in this entire process. I am not scared or worried and I am honestly excited for the ride ahead.
Love,
Marge
Friday, December 10, 2010
My mom
I am so thankful for my crazy hair brain mother. Our relationship is crazy, its different. It has had its ups and downs. There have been times when I have been ashamed of her, where we've fought more than we've loved. But at the end of the day she is my mother and I love her dearly. As I get older I know that I've said things that have hurt her and I know she can't change some of the decisions she has made, but together we have to move past them.
Last night I found out I that I failed three of the six comprehensive exams I have for grad school. And I freaked. With this new age of technology and my mother's hearing problems I texted her to tell her the outcome. And of course I was upset so I went to worst case scenario and said I could fail out of grad school next week.
And this is what I got back: I don't think that will happen, you are smart. You just have too much pressure on you. I have faith you will make it :)
And I cried like a baby. She can still fix anything. Even through a text message. Even though most of the time I act like at 25 I have everything so together that I don't need anything from my parents, I needed that. But sometimes I need her in my corner, telling me that regardless of what happens, I can do this.
Last night I found out I that I failed three of the six comprehensive exams I have for grad school. And I freaked. With this new age of technology and my mother's hearing problems I texted her to tell her the outcome. And of course I was upset so I went to worst case scenario and said I could fail out of grad school next week.
And this is what I got back: I don't think that will happen, you are smart. You just have too much pressure on you. I have faith you will make it :)
And I cried like a baby. She can still fix anything. Even through a text message. Even though most of the time I act like at 25 I have everything so together that I don't need anything from my parents, I needed that. But sometimes I need her in my corner, telling me that regardless of what happens, I can do this.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The little things in life
I will be honest, sometimes I do things in my life sometimes for my own selfish glory, but lately I've found myself doing things more and more for God, and for those around me. To some degree I've always done more for others than for myself. I almost never wonder if I'm going to get recognized for what I do, I do it because I love it. Because it makes me feel alive.
But then there are times when you get messages like these. This is from one of the girls in my small group (see my last post):
Honestly, I was highly upset to hear that Sandy would be leaving the youth group; It was another reason why i took so long to come back.. When I returned to the youth group , there is this(tall) woman there sitting at denise's table.i was kinda distant at first because I was still butt hurt by the whole sandy thing and to me it was like oh great, now i have to share with someone else..
you know how the saying goes:when a door closes,a window opens somewhere else? you are my window!!When I think of it now, im like:im glad sandy left us because if not, i would have never gotten the chance to meet you.you and denise have both been inspirations for me to keep pushing on.i feel like i relate to you and it makes it that much easier to understand god's desires and plans for me through you.i can't thank you enough for all you've done for me.i have been blessed.
so in case i don't get the chance tomorrow,i would like to say i am thankful for you :)
love much, cynthia
Moments like these that you treasure. Moments like these make you realize that there is more to this life than yourself. Moments like these that you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be to help spread the glory and love of God.
But then there are times when you get messages like these. This is from one of the girls in my small group (see my last post):
Honestly, I was highly upset to hear that Sandy would be leaving the youth group; It was another reason why i took so long to come back.. When I returned to the youth group , there is this(tall) woman there sitting at denise's table.i was kinda distant at first because I was still butt hurt by the whole sandy thing and to me it was like oh great, now i have to share with someone else..
you know how the saying goes:when a door closes,a window opens somewhere else? you are my window!!When I think of it now, im like:im glad sandy left us because if not, i would have never gotten the chance to meet you.you and denise have both been inspirations for me to keep pushing on.i feel like i relate to you and it makes it that much easier to understand god's desires and plans for me through you.i can't thank you enough for all you've done for me.i have been blessed.
so in case i don't get the chance tomorrow,i would like to say i am thankful for you :)
love much, cynthia
Moments like these that you treasure. Moments like these make you realize that there is more to this life than yourself. Moments like these that you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be to help spread the glory and love of God.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The girls of the class of 2013
Its funny when you realize one decision can change your life. That there are times in our life when God opens a door and you are hesitant to walk through it. But when you look back you know that is exactly where you were supposed to be, and that every step along the way has lead you to that moment. This is a story of my journey with saying yes to a question I felt I wanted to run from. But instead I walked through the open door.
I will never forget the day that I was asked if I would consider working with high school ministry. I could hear myself saying yes but inside I was completely freaking out. How was I supposed to help high school students on their walk with God? I hadn't been a Christian long enough and I definitely hadn't been walking with God long enough to be able to teach anyone anything.
I will never forget the first time I met the girls from the class of 2013. I realized a short time later that I was ten years their senior and when I would be celebrating my 10 year class reunion when they would be graduating from high school. I was terrified the first time I met them but I left feeling different. I felt at home. I'm not sure if that had something to do with the amazing co leader God had put me with or all the young energetic faces I found around the table that night.
That night was over 8 months ago, and it seems like such a distant memory. Now Wednesday nights have such a different meaning. They represent a time when I come to minister to young adults but more often than not I am left with my heart filled with more love and compassion than I came with.
I think back to myself 10 years ago at the age of 15 and I wish I knew half of the things I know now. But since I do I wanted to tell these amazing girls something. I pray that you wake up every day and thank God for all of the blessings in your life, good or bad, small or big. That you remember that every day is a gift. That you take time to get to know the people at school that you might not give a second glance to. That you remember that you don't have to have everything figured out by now. That everyday is a journey in self discovery and discovery of who the person God wants you to be.
These girls are amazing, they are beautiful, they are full of life and laughter. They have changed my life is ways I never thought a group of high-schoolers ever could. And I know the day may come that I may leave this amazing group of girls but part of my heart will always be with them.
They have taught me more about life, love, forgiveness, joy, laughter, and compassion than I have learned in my entire 25 years on this earth. And I thank God everyday that he opened this door and that I had enough sense to walk through it.
I will never forget the day that I was asked if I would consider working with high school ministry. I could hear myself saying yes but inside I was completely freaking out. How was I supposed to help high school students on their walk with God? I hadn't been a Christian long enough and I definitely hadn't been walking with God long enough to be able to teach anyone anything.
I will never forget the first time I met the girls from the class of 2013. I realized a short time later that I was ten years their senior and when I would be celebrating my 10 year class reunion when they would be graduating from high school. I was terrified the first time I met them but I left feeling different. I felt at home. I'm not sure if that had something to do with the amazing co leader God had put me with or all the young energetic faces I found around the table that night.
That night was over 8 months ago, and it seems like such a distant memory. Now Wednesday nights have such a different meaning. They represent a time when I come to minister to young adults but more often than not I am left with my heart filled with more love and compassion than I came with.
I think back to myself 10 years ago at the age of 15 and I wish I knew half of the things I know now. But since I do I wanted to tell these amazing girls something. I pray that you wake up every day and thank God for all of the blessings in your life, good or bad, small or big. That you remember that every day is a gift. That you take time to get to know the people at school that you might not give a second glance to. That you remember that you don't have to have everything figured out by now. That everyday is a journey in self discovery and discovery of who the person God wants you to be.
These girls are amazing, they are beautiful, they are full of life and laughter. They have changed my life is ways I never thought a group of high-schoolers ever could. And I know the day may come that I may leave this amazing group of girls but part of my heart will always be with them.
They have taught me more about life, love, forgiveness, joy, laughter, and compassion than I have learned in my entire 25 years on this earth. And I thank God everyday that he opened this door and that I had enough sense to walk through it.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Praying in the car
So today I got up extra early to have my butt kicked by my trainer at the gym and I loved every moment. Then I got in the car started my drive back to Reedley. I found myself half way home, crying my eyes out, fighting back blinding tears. And here is the story behind them.
In more recent moments over the course of the last 5 or so months of my life, the car has become my place of solace. To be honest the chaos that is this world its where I have the most intimate conversations with God. Crazy I know right? Most would think those conversations would happen before you go to bed, or in your bedroom tucked away from the rest of the world. But I do my talking in the car.
The lead singer of one of my most favorite bands (10th Ave North) describes his talks with God as thought you are talking to a friend. Gut wrenching, heart breaking and honest. So today my talk with God was honest, it was heart breaking and it was hard to say through the tears.
I've been waiting since my 2nd interview on Monday to hear back if I got the job. I decided against my better judgment to call yesterday afternoon because they had said they would have a decision Wednesday. I struggle with patience and I went ahead though in retrospect, I should have just waited. This particular agency outsources their Human Resources and in doing so I have had to work with them. They were not in the interviews on Monday so I assumed they had turned the reins over to the agency. So I called my potential employer and asked if they had made a decision. Turns out Wednesday was their deadline to get their notes to the HR company to make the decision.
I got off the phone feeling like such an idiot, I should have just listened to the voice in my head and not called. So impatient sometimes! Sitting in the middle of the library at Fresno State I broke into tears. I'm not sure if it was the combination of working on my comprehensive exams, and the job situation that sent me over the edge.
I found myself home last night and I was angry. For the first time since this whole situation has started I was mad. I was mad at God, at the situation and at the whole process. I was mad that so far after over 50 applications and 12 interviews no one has offered me a job. I was mad that I lost my job in the first place. I was mad that the state of California cannot seem to manage their money and they have to take it from hard working cities such as Reedley. And I was mad that there seems to be a lack of sensitivity from almost every agency I have applied, and a lackadaisical approach to hiring. Hello people! I am unemployed not just out searching for jobs for the fun of it.
When I was growing up and even in college dealing with my family and my mom in rehab I would get so upset and angry I would throw things just to watch them break. I would pick the closest thing to me and chuck it, in any direction, and watch it shatter. In the moment it always made me feel better, but then I was left cleaning up the mess. I realized last night that I hadn't thrown anything in a really long time, I hadn't thrown something to watch it break since I had really trusted and walked with God. Not that I feel I've gotten any better at the decisions I've made along the way but I have learned to channel my anger, and to ask God for help and relief. I could have asked last night but I decided not to, I wanted to wallow in my pity party.
So instead this morning I let it all out. In the car. My place to be vulnerable, to be mad, to be upset. And to cry like a little kid. And after I got out everything I wanted to say, I felt so much better.
In more recent moments over the course of the last 5 or so months of my life, the car has become my place of solace. To be honest the chaos that is this world its where I have the most intimate conversations with God. Crazy I know right? Most would think those conversations would happen before you go to bed, or in your bedroom tucked away from the rest of the world. But I do my talking in the car.
The lead singer of one of my most favorite bands (10th Ave North) describes his talks with God as thought you are talking to a friend. Gut wrenching, heart breaking and honest. So today my talk with God was honest, it was heart breaking and it was hard to say through the tears.
I've been waiting since my 2nd interview on Monday to hear back if I got the job. I decided against my better judgment to call yesterday afternoon because they had said they would have a decision Wednesday. I struggle with patience and I went ahead though in retrospect, I should have just waited. This particular agency outsources their Human Resources and in doing so I have had to work with them. They were not in the interviews on Monday so I assumed they had turned the reins over to the agency. So I called my potential employer and asked if they had made a decision. Turns out Wednesday was their deadline to get their notes to the HR company to make the decision.
I got off the phone feeling like such an idiot, I should have just listened to the voice in my head and not called. So impatient sometimes! Sitting in the middle of the library at Fresno State I broke into tears. I'm not sure if it was the combination of working on my comprehensive exams, and the job situation that sent me over the edge.
I found myself home last night and I was angry. For the first time since this whole situation has started I was mad. I was mad at God, at the situation and at the whole process. I was mad that so far after over 50 applications and 12 interviews no one has offered me a job. I was mad that I lost my job in the first place. I was mad that the state of California cannot seem to manage their money and they have to take it from hard working cities such as Reedley. And I was mad that there seems to be a lack of sensitivity from almost every agency I have applied, and a lackadaisical approach to hiring. Hello people! I am unemployed not just out searching for jobs for the fun of it.
When I was growing up and even in college dealing with my family and my mom in rehab I would get so upset and angry I would throw things just to watch them break. I would pick the closest thing to me and chuck it, in any direction, and watch it shatter. In the moment it always made me feel better, but then I was left cleaning up the mess. I realized last night that I hadn't thrown anything in a really long time, I hadn't thrown something to watch it break since I had really trusted and walked with God. Not that I feel I've gotten any better at the decisions I've made along the way but I have learned to channel my anger, and to ask God for help and relief. I could have asked last night but I decided not to, I wanted to wallow in my pity party.
So instead this morning I let it all out. In the car. My place to be vulnerable, to be mad, to be upset. And to cry like a little kid. And after I got out everything I wanted to say, I felt so much better.
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