There are some moments in my life that stick out - where I remember everything about that particular time. What I was thinking, how I was feeling, who was around me, what the weather was like.
Two years ago yesterday I flew out to Houston for my 2nd interview. I remember how hot it was the week of Christmas, how nervous I was to say the right things, how I thought Sugar Land and Houston were HUGE. I remember what I ate when they took me to lunch, I remember the tour they took me on through town. Every little detail about my trip out here sticks in my mind.
Fast forward two years later. This is my life, this is my town. This is home. I know that the 25 year old that came out here has been broken, hurt, inspiried and change. I can't imagine my life without this decision. As hard as it's been and as much as I've complained along the way I'm so thankful that I came out here.
I remember the day I accepted the offer to come out for an interview and everyone thought I was crazy. But I knew I had to come out, I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I need a miracle
Somedays I wake up, look around and am truly in awe of everything around me. Even in the midst of tragedy there is so much beauty in life.
For much of my adult life I've struggled with people who feel that life is worth throwing away. Who have for years continued to abuse prescription drugs and drink to the point of no return. Someone very close to me struggles deeply with this. I look back at pictures at wonder what the once vibrant life filled version of herself would think of the person she has come to be. Where there was once so much life there is now a person fighting for her life. All the fun of this world has caught up with her, all the partying and drinking and drugs from years past has snuck up and robbed her of any decent future.
I think I struggle with addiction because it changes people. It ruins relationships, it ruins experiences, and most times those moments live longer in our memories then the good ones. I try and look for the positives, I try and see past the tears, fights, the harsh words that have been said but I struggle. I struggle because I don't understand even in the middle of all of this how someone can be so consumed with something that will one day probably kill them.
Currently she's back in the hospital, something else has gone wrong. This week she told me that her liver is failing. What do you say to that? I'm sorry? Wow? When I said I was sorry she said it's my own fault. And there in a simple line is the truth. Years of decisions to chose death over life have lead her to this moment. Years of turning to a bottle of alcohol or prescription drugs have left her with a failing liver.
I titled this post because I need a miracle and so does she. She has no insurance and can't get on a transplant list, so therefore she is stuck. She needs a miracle if she has any hope of surviving. I pray that if she does get a liver she realizes this is a second chance. A chance to do life the way we were meant to: free from bondage to drugs and alcohol, full of life, full of love. I need a miracle because at the end of the day she means a lot to me and I struggle because most moments I have no words to express my dissapointment and other days I wish I could just hug her until it all goes away.
For much of my adult life I've struggled with people who feel that life is worth throwing away. Who have for years continued to abuse prescription drugs and drink to the point of no return. Someone very close to me struggles deeply with this. I look back at pictures at wonder what the once vibrant life filled version of herself would think of the person she has come to be. Where there was once so much life there is now a person fighting for her life. All the fun of this world has caught up with her, all the partying and drinking and drugs from years past has snuck up and robbed her of any decent future.
I think I struggle with addiction because it changes people. It ruins relationships, it ruins experiences, and most times those moments live longer in our memories then the good ones. I try and look for the positives, I try and see past the tears, fights, the harsh words that have been said but I struggle. I struggle because I don't understand even in the middle of all of this how someone can be so consumed with something that will one day probably kill them.
Currently she's back in the hospital, something else has gone wrong. This week she told me that her liver is failing. What do you say to that? I'm sorry? Wow? When I said I was sorry she said it's my own fault. And there in a simple line is the truth. Years of decisions to chose death over life have lead her to this moment. Years of turning to a bottle of alcohol or prescription drugs have left her with a failing liver.
I titled this post because I need a miracle and so does she. She has no insurance and can't get on a transplant list, so therefore she is stuck. She needs a miracle if she has any hope of surviving. I pray that if she does get a liver she realizes this is a second chance. A chance to do life the way we were meant to: free from bondage to drugs and alcohol, full of life, full of love. I need a miracle because at the end of the day she means a lot to me and I struggle because most moments I have no words to express my dissapointment and other days I wish I could just hug her until it all goes away.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Somedays
Somedays I wish I could go back and try and figure out exactly what happened. Exactly the point it all fell apart.
In this life I truly believe every decision is proceeded by a fork in the road and I always wonder what would happen if we took another path.
Most of the time we will never know what could have happened. We will only know the path we've taken, the mistakes, the moments, everything that brought us to this point. Life is full of people who love you, people who come and go.
So hold tight to those in your life that have been brought along the way. Celebrate everything that today has to offer because we truly have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
In this life I truly believe every decision is proceeded by a fork in the road and I always wonder what would happen if we took another path.
Most of the time we will never know what could have happened. We will only know the path we've taken, the mistakes, the moments, everything that brought us to this point. Life is full of people who love you, people who come and go.
So hold tight to those in your life that have been brought along the way. Celebrate everything that today has to offer because we truly have no idea what tomorrow will bring.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Parachute Friend
This past weekend we had a guest speaker talk to our high schoolers at church and he shared a story about a guy named Charlie Plumb. Charlie's fighter jet was shot down during a flyover in the Vietnam war, and while he survived ejection he was captured and placed in a war camp. He spent 6 years confined in hostile territory and when the war was finally over he was released.
After he had returned he and his wife were at dinner one night and a gentleman approached them asking if he was Charlie Plumb. He said yes I am. And the gentleman went on to list all the things he had done, and where they thought his plane may have gone down, and how he thought about him often. Finally Charlie interuppted and said I'm sorry sir but how do you know who I am? And he said I packed your parachute that day. I've thought of you so many times over the years and I always wondered what happened to you. Charlie told him well you saved my life that day, thank you.
Then the guest speaker asked if we had any parachute friends. If there was one name that comes to mind? One person who would walk through fire for you in the middle of the night, who supports you, pushes, laughes with you, cries with you?
One name came to mind for me : Michelle
Michelle and I have been friends since the beginning of high school, so going on 14 years. We are so very much alike: both driven, motivated, loud at times, caring, crazy and fun to be around. The thing I love the most about Michelle is she forgives. Our senior year in high school I was an awful friend to her and by the time graduation came we were barely talking. A few years later I had the sudden urge to talk to her, to apologize for the stupid things I said and did. I called her parent's house and her mom said she had moved to Texas and gave me her cell phone number. That day I was able to say I'm sorry and mean it. Funny how apologies are more about you forgiving yourself then they are the other person forgiving you.
Since then we have been the best of friends. In 2008 I had the honor to stand up in her wedding as a bridesmaid and I couldn't have been more honored. The funny thing is you don't really know how amazing your friends are until you see them from afar.
Over the last two years she has been the greatest support as I adjust to life in Texas. She finished college out here and thankfully had insight into living life in another state. For the first year or so I would call sometimes in the middle of the night in tears and she would wake up and talk me through whatever was going on.
She's the first person that ever really shared God and the gospel with me. As we've grown up she's always been there to share guidance and wisdom, send me encouraging scripture or a book on a topic I've been praying about.
God places the most amazing people in our life sometimes and I am so very thankful Michelle is in mine. We've survived the pettiness of high school, cross country moves, and loss of loved ones. At the end of the day I can't imagine doing life with anyone else even if she is 1,500 miles away. Somehow she has managed to pack my parachute so many times and I've only survived the rocky landing because of her beautiful friendship.
After he had returned he and his wife were at dinner one night and a gentleman approached them asking if he was Charlie Plumb. He said yes I am. And the gentleman went on to list all the things he had done, and where they thought his plane may have gone down, and how he thought about him often. Finally Charlie interuppted and said I'm sorry sir but how do you know who I am? And he said I packed your parachute that day. I've thought of you so many times over the years and I always wondered what happened to you. Charlie told him well you saved my life that day, thank you.
Then the guest speaker asked if we had any parachute friends. If there was one name that comes to mind? One person who would walk through fire for you in the middle of the night, who supports you, pushes, laughes with you, cries with you?
One name came to mind for me : Michelle
Michelle and I have been friends since the beginning of high school, so going on 14 years. We are so very much alike: both driven, motivated, loud at times, caring, crazy and fun to be around. The thing I love the most about Michelle is she forgives. Our senior year in high school I was an awful friend to her and by the time graduation came we were barely talking. A few years later I had the sudden urge to talk to her, to apologize for the stupid things I said and did. I called her parent's house and her mom said she had moved to Texas and gave me her cell phone number. That day I was able to say I'm sorry and mean it. Funny how apologies are more about you forgiving yourself then they are the other person forgiving you.
Since then we have been the best of friends. In 2008 I had the honor to stand up in her wedding as a bridesmaid and I couldn't have been more honored. The funny thing is you don't really know how amazing your friends are until you see them from afar.
Over the last two years she has been the greatest support as I adjust to life in Texas. She finished college out here and thankfully had insight into living life in another state. For the first year or so I would call sometimes in the middle of the night in tears and she would wake up and talk me through whatever was going on.
She's the first person that ever really shared God and the gospel with me. As we've grown up she's always been there to share guidance and wisdom, send me encouraging scripture or a book on a topic I've been praying about.
God places the most amazing people in our life sometimes and I am so very thankful Michelle is in mine. We've survived the pettiness of high school, cross country moves, and loss of loved ones. At the end of the day I can't imagine doing life with anyone else even if she is 1,500 miles away. Somehow she has managed to pack my parachute so many times and I've only survived the rocky landing because of her beautiful friendship.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
December
Standing in the kitchen last Thursday I felt my knees buckle and give way as I sank to the floor. I literally felt like someone had electrocuted me. I laid on the floor for almost ten minutes and wondered how I would get off the floor.
Sadly this back spasm wasn't the first indication of something going wrong with my back. Right before a WOD the day after Thanksgiving I reached down to pick my keys off the floor and my back went out. If you've ever had back problems you will know how awful that feeling is. On Monday I went to the chiropractor (he's amazing!), did ice/heat, massages etc. And then the back spasm. I was so upset and seriously couldn't imagine how many steps I had taken back with this recent episode.
So that day I decided to take a month off of CrossFit. I'm not sure what pissed me off more- my back being hurt or not being able to do something I love for a month because of it. So that day I did what any self respecting woman would do: I bought a container of cookie dough and Oreo birthday cake ice cream and proceeded to have a pity party. I struggle when change isn't something that I've initated or wanted. And this is definitely not something I've initiated or wanted that is for sure.
I got up the next morning and got on the scale and realized that I'd gain almost 10 pounds in the last month or so and that was my breaking point. I can't let my back injury take away any of the progress I've made. One day at a time. One meal at a time. But mark my words I will do this. I will take December to let my back heal and then come January 2013 I will be back.
Sadly this back spasm wasn't the first indication of something going wrong with my back. Right before a WOD the day after Thanksgiving I reached down to pick my keys off the floor and my back went out. If you've ever had back problems you will know how awful that feeling is. On Monday I went to the chiropractor (he's amazing!), did ice/heat, massages etc. And then the back spasm. I was so upset and seriously couldn't imagine how many steps I had taken back with this recent episode.
So that day I decided to take a month off of CrossFit. I'm not sure what pissed me off more- my back being hurt or not being able to do something I love for a month because of it. So that day I did what any self respecting woman would do: I bought a container of cookie dough and Oreo birthday cake ice cream and proceeded to have a pity party. I struggle when change isn't something that I've initated or wanted. And this is definitely not something I've initiated or wanted that is for sure.
I got up the next morning and got on the scale and realized that I'd gain almost 10 pounds in the last month or so and that was my breaking point. I can't let my back injury take away any of the progress I've made. One day at a time. One meal at a time. But mark my words I will do this. I will take December to let my back heal and then come January 2013 I will be back.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Not a Fan
Sometimes a book changes your life. You read something that convicts you, pushes your buttons and requires you to stop thinking about what you want. We just finished a book called "Not a Fan". The book asks one overwhelming question: fan or follower?
One of my favorite lines from the book says this:
"What are the scenes that would unfold differently in your life if you were a follower instead of a fan? What would your life look like if you followed Jesus completely? No excuses. Wherever. Whenever. Whatever" Kyle Idleman- Not a Fan.
I struggle with letting go, with letting God have all of it. But I've discovered in reading this book that I have to give up my life, my wants, my dreams. Everything I hold dear must go out the window. That sounds scary. But the idea of not being a follower, of Jesus being an afterthought in my everyday life is even scarier.
A few weeks ago I decided what exactly being a follower at this point in my life would like. And this is it: stop looking at jobs in California. Focus on my life here and accept that this is exactly where God wants me to be. You would think after almost 2 years here I would be off this rollercoaster, but it's taken me a long time to get here. God had to break my pride, my spirit, and every little piece of me that screams "This life is only about me!" to get me to this point. And to be honest the peace I've felt since the decision has been amazing. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can truly say that my life is in God's hands. Whenever. Wherever. Whatever.
The book talks often about the scenes of your life and how they would play out if you were a fan or a follower. And today the most amazing follower story happened at work.
Last night at small group our small group leader handed out wrist bands that said Not a Fan. And I put mine on and today it's still on. I found myself this morning talking to a coworker about taking pictures for us and all of a sudden she says "Are you reading Not a Fan?" And my first thought was what? I guess I had a quizical look on my face and she said your bracelet, it says Not a Fan. And from there we shared stories about the book and how much it has affected us and changed our life. I had the chance to tell her about California and my decision and where I am at right now in life.
Other then a few casual conversations I have never had a personal conversation with her and today we shared our faith and our stories. All because of a book. A book that has changed both of our lives. I truly believe our lives have intersections and we get the chance to meet people and share stories and change the course of tomorrow. I am so glad I had the opportunity today. Because at the end of the day I want what is said of me to be simple: She's a Christian. Everything else is a role or hobby.
One of my favorite lines from the book says this:
"What are the scenes that would unfold differently in your life if you were a follower instead of a fan? What would your life look like if you followed Jesus completely? No excuses. Wherever. Whenever. Whatever" Kyle Idleman- Not a Fan.
I struggle with letting go, with letting God have all of it. But I've discovered in reading this book that I have to give up my life, my wants, my dreams. Everything I hold dear must go out the window. That sounds scary. But the idea of not being a follower, of Jesus being an afterthought in my everyday life is even scarier.
A few weeks ago I decided what exactly being a follower at this point in my life would like. And this is it: stop looking at jobs in California. Focus on my life here and accept that this is exactly where God wants me to be. You would think after almost 2 years here I would be off this rollercoaster, but it's taken me a long time to get here. God had to break my pride, my spirit, and every little piece of me that screams "This life is only about me!" to get me to this point. And to be honest the peace I've felt since the decision has been amazing. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can truly say that my life is in God's hands. Whenever. Wherever. Whatever.
The book talks often about the scenes of your life and how they would play out if you were a fan or a follower. And today the most amazing follower story happened at work.
Last night at small group our small group leader handed out wrist bands that said Not a Fan. And I put mine on and today it's still on. I found myself this morning talking to a coworker about taking pictures for us and all of a sudden she says "Are you reading Not a Fan?" And my first thought was what? I guess I had a quizical look on my face and she said your bracelet, it says Not a Fan. And from there we shared stories about the book and how much it has affected us and changed our life. I had the chance to tell her about California and my decision and where I am at right now in life.
Other then a few casual conversations I have never had a personal conversation with her and today we shared our faith and our stories. All because of a book. A book that has changed both of our lives. I truly believe our lives have intersections and we get the chance to meet people and share stories and change the course of tomorrow. I am so glad I had the opportunity today. Because at the end of the day I want what is said of me to be simple: She's a Christian. Everything else is a role or hobby.
Friday, September 28, 2012
A reminder
She knew that many were the plans in her heart but that God's purpose would previal. There is such freedom in trusting in God. Today for the first time in a long time I am absolutely ok with where my life is.
I love those moments when life just feels good. When work is going well, when your friends are doing awesome and overall you are just happy and thankful to be alive. I know deep in my heart that God has the most amazing plan for my life. Sometimes though I forget that. And I need reminders like the verse above to remind me of God's grace and love. Everything happens for a reason and I know that I did not end up in South Texas on accident.
I love days like today. I ran errands for my boss. I had lunch with a dear friend. I blogged. I spent time on pinterest. Tonight I'm going to crossfit, tomorrow I'm going to attempt to change my air filter, hang out with friends and go to church on Sunday.
No matter where my life takes me I hold onto moments like these for dear life. They have an easy way of reminding me of everything that is good and that no matter what happens, I know I will be ok. God's got this and with that reminder so do I!
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