I need a miracle

Somedays I wake up, look around and am truly in awe of everything around me. Even in the midst of tragedy there is so much beauty in life.

For much of my adult life I've struggled with people who feel that life is worth throwing away. Who have for years continued to abuse prescription drugs and drink to the point of no return. Someone very close to me struggles deeply with this. I look back at pictures at wonder what the once vibrant life filled version of herself would think of the person she has come to be. Where there was once so much life there is now a person fighting for her life. All the fun of this world has caught up with her, all the partying and drinking and drugs from years past has snuck up and robbed her of any decent future.

I think I struggle with addiction because it changes people. It ruins relationships, it ruins experiences, and most times those moments live longer in our memories then the good ones. I try and look for the positives, I try and see past the tears, fights, the harsh words that have been said but I struggle. I struggle because I don't understand even in the middle of all of this how someone can be so consumed with something that will one day probably kill them.

Currently she's back in the hospital, something else has gone wrong. This week she told me that her liver is failing. What do you say to that? I'm sorry? Wow? When I said I was sorry she said it's my own fault. And there in a simple line is the truth. Years of decisions to chose death over life have lead her to this moment. Years of turning to a bottle of alcohol or prescription drugs have left her with a failing liver.

I titled this post because I need a miracle and so does she. She has no insurance and can't get on a transplant list, so therefore she is stuck. She needs a miracle if she has any hope of surviving. I pray that if she does get a liver she realizes this is a second chance. A chance to do life the way we were meant to: free from bondage to drugs and alcohol, full of life, full of love. I need a miracle because at the end of the day she means a lot to me and I struggle because most moments I have no words to express my dissapointment and other days I wish I could just hug her until it all goes away.