Humble Pie

These are the questions that have been running though my head since yesterday:

Where is my unemployment check?

How am going to pay the rest of my bills for the end of August when I only have $30?

When am I going to catch a break and feel like I can breathe again?

I've been waiting for my unemployment check since last Thursday and was starting to wonder if the change of address and the temp job had affected things. And I got a letter yesterday stating that my benefits have been delayed until they speak with me during an eligibility interview next Tuesday. Seriously?

I'm writing this post in Starbucks, trying very very very hard not to cry. I can feel my tear ducts welling up. I hate hard lessons, I hate not having idea what my next step is. I wish sometimes that hard lessons came with a handbook. And they don't. The only thing they come with are hard pills to swallow and the chance to cry out to Jesus and pray for guidance and direction.

But of course in the midst of my pity party God always finds a way to put a lesson in front of me and yesterday he put two.

The first is this: Every once in a while MTV actually has decent shows on (gasp!) And yesterday they had an episode of True Life. Most times when I watch this show I know that real people are experiencing this and while I feel bad for then I have no real idea what they are going through.

I watched two episodes: I'm a teenager and I'm homeless, and I've got broke parents. Both of these shows tugged at my heartstrings. The first episode had a girl and her mom who were homeless and living in their car. She celebrated her 17 birthday living in a car, without anything to eat. The second episode had a dad who had lost his job in Flint, MI when the car industry collapsed. He was willing to work for $5 an hour but wasn't able to find any work to support himself or his kids.

And here I am with a roof over my head, a car to drive and food to eat and I'm complaining. And it took a second after my pity party to realize that things could always be worse. That everyday that I wake up to a new day is a day that I need to be grateful for. That I need to realize that I am closer to God than I have ever been because I have nothing to rely on but Him. That I cannot stand on my own to feet before I'm on my knees.

The second lesson yesterday came in the form of a worship song that I haven't heard in a long time, but last night it was exactly what I needed.

Here are the lyrics but check it out on youtube: Mercy Me - Bring the Rain

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty