Learning to let go

A good friend of mine posted this on Facebook: Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing the monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.

Over the last month I have slowly been learning to use the monkey bars as I prepare to walk away from 2.5 years of service to the City of Reedley next week. Some would say that 2.5 years isn't long enough to be that invested or that it's just a job. Sometimes I honestly wish I could say it was just a job.

When I decided after 7 months of commuting from Fresno to Reedley that I wanted to move some were shocked and asked why I didn't just keep commuting, why in the world would I want to move to Reedley. I can tell you why I wanted to move to Reedley. I wanted to move because I couldn't imagine planning programs for people that I didn't know. How was I to know what was best if I wasn't experiencing daily life with them? So God stirred in my heart the desire to move to Reedley, to immerse myself in daily living. To be able to enjoy a walk to the river, or be able to listen to the 12p.m. siren, or to enjoy a bike ride on the trail. And all along He knew I was falling in love with the world's fruit basket.

Going into any project or job or situation I'm always looking at what I can do for the team, for the moment, for the situation. Never with the intention of gaining any glory or recognition from it. In the last month I have gotten more pats on the back, job offers, and emails about how much I am appreciated and loved. It's been humbling and overwhelming all the in same moment. It's humbling because I continue to do what I do because God has instilled in me a love for others and service to those around me. It's overwhelming because I know goodbye's are just around the corner. These moments of appreciation have come from coworkers, parents, participants, community members, and people that I have interacted with in planning programs. Even at a farewell lunch today with a coworker I was told how much I would be missed.

But even though they feel I have contributed a lot I have gained a whole heck of a lot from all of them:

I have learned the true definition of teamwork. That even in the face of adversity and hardship there are a few you can count on to get the job done regardless of circumstance. That the team that beats with one heart will ultimately rise to the occasion.

That even your bosses can in certain situations be a true friend and a confidant in your darkest days.

That if the love of your job comes first there is no such thing as a time clock.

That wearing your heart on your sleeve isn't a weakness it is a sign of passion for the task at hand.

That investing in the teachable moments with a child can take you leaps and bounds with them in the future.

That people may be upset in the moment but will ultimately respect you more in the future for standing your ground.

That the most amazing moments with staff and coworkers will come when you least expect them.

That age is only a number.

And that every moment can teach you something as long as you are open.

There is ultimately pain and sadness on my part because I am human and because at the end of the day no matter how much I smile and say I'm ready for the next step I'm terrified. I'm terrified of letting go and I'm terrified of moving on. I keep clinging to the fact that God absolutely knows what He's doing and I must learn to let go, knowing I really have no control. But in the moment it is easier to preach than to practice.

I thought today about how it will feel to pack up the rest of my office, turn in my keys, badge and City credit card, and walk out that door for the last time. Some have called me a workaholic and I would gladly wear that badge with honor because I know at the end of the day I have not only given up a first job but also a part of myself. If anything that is harder to walk away from than any job.