Starting year 5

A lot of things can happen in 4 years. It's amazing to think the same time I spent roaming the halls of Calaveras High are equal to my time in Texas. 

Yesterday marked my 4 year anniversary. 1,460 days creating a life, learning, thanking God for all of this. 

I think what stands out to me me the most is where I was 4 years ago. I was unemployed. In my last year of graduate school. Living in the back of someone's house. 

And it's not to say that the I just found a job and started over but to truly know how much God has carried me through it all. How much he has done and continues to do every day that I walk this earth stops me short. 

Not only was I given a job but I was given an amazing opportunity doing what I love in a stable city, full of opportunity and growth. I was given the chance to spread my wings, challenge the status quo and rise above what was left. 

And than you add in the last year and there's no way you can know my story and not wonder about the God I believe in. My dream job since my early college years has always been simple: to be a city manager one day. And at the age of 28 I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to work for a man that knows the ins and outs of city management and has been the absolute best mentor I could have dreamed of. He has pushed me, lifted me up and from day one has been in my corner. I hope day to be the type of leader he is. He sees the big picture but pays attention to detail, fights for what he believes in and always has your back.

But four years ago I had no job and my last unemployment check to my name, a car loaded down with my life and a dream. 

To follow God wherever he calls. 

Year four was blessed with grace and faith and an unwavering support from those closest to me. 

If you don't think that God can change your life in a few short years think again. I am nothing but living proof.

The first of 2015

They are coming for me. 

I read the text message and then I read it again. My mind started to race and I could feel the tears streaming down my face. They had just told her merely an hour before that she was having surgery today and now they were coming to get her? I couldn't wrap my mind around what was happening. I was upset at the hospital that they hadn't given us more time.

I knew my mom wanted someone there before she went in and I knew being an hour from the hospital that wasn't going to happen. I could hear the what if's swirling in my head. I sat in the bathroom for a few minutes and prayed. For wisdom and peace but most of all- patience. 

5 hours later she emerged from surgery with a new heart valve and is currently recovering in ICU. 

Even though she was asleep I was able to see her in ICU and leave her a note. Thankfully her surgeon was there and I was able to talk to him. We talked about her surgery, her heart and her recovery.

And then he says I thought we were going to have to send her home, I didn't have any openings for 2 or 3 more weeks. I looked at him confused. She had been in the hospital for almost a week waiting to have this surgery and you were going to send her home? And then he says but then there was an opening all of a sudden and I took it. He had done what only he could do and he scheduled her for surgery. 

I let the reality of what transpired today sink in. I realized how much of our lives are out of our control but how much God is in control. I was upset this morning because they were messing with the schedule that I had in mind but instead God's schedule happened. What He already knew was going to happen happened. 

The first five days of the new year have been difficult and hard. They've been filled with taking care of my Grandma and worrying about my mom and what the future looks like for her. I'm thankful that I was still in California when this all happened and was able to be here.

I'm most thankful though for my sweet friends and family. They have prayed and called and been there whenever I needed them. And today one of my sweet friends even drive 2.5 hours to sit with me while my mom was in surgery. I am blessed by some of the most amazing God loving people in both of the places I call home. 

So to those of you that have called and prayed and texted - thank you! Prayers are appreciated for my mom's recovery.

Here's to a bright and healthy 2015. 

Remember you only get one shot at this thing called life, make it count. 

2014 in review

It takes milestones for me to realize how much time has passed. Today is our annual Christmas lunch at work and the first time I met most of my soon to be coworkers and employees was last year at this time. I remember walking in nervous but excited for this new adventure. Knowing that there was anticipation and expectation. I was eager to get involved and start this new chapter of life. 

A few weeks later 2014 started and it was a new year. A new job. A new city. New everything. 

While this year has challenging it's also been inspiring. I know over the last year I've grown both personally but also professionally. I've learned that some things will never change and you can only do what you can with what you've been given. 

I think the most valuable lesson I've learned this year is that my worth does not rest in someone else's opinion, only in God's. That's the only one that matters and that's the only one I should trust. The opinions of others will come and go but the truth of who I am rests in Him. 

I've been inspired by this tiny town I've come to love and the sweet people who call it home. I've been blessed to create some sweet friendships with folks and I know that if needed they would give me the shirt off their back. 

I've learned that you don't always have to have the answer or the last word. That sometimes just being still is the best choice you can make. To be still and listen and trust in the one who made you. 

2014 was a year of firsts and of lasts. Of tears and smiles. Of happiness and triumph. Of friendships and laughter. I wouldn't of traded it for anything and I'm looking forward to everything 2015 has to offer. 

No matter what

Sometimes the only thing that makes anything better is a deep breath and a prayer. 

Trusting that God has you no matter what happens. No what matter what is said, no matter what is done, my future is secure in who He is. He is my King, my fortress and the best piece of who I am. 

Regardless of what happens in the future I will trust in Him. Even when I can't breathe, or see the next step in front of me I will have hope for tomorrow. That it will be a little brighter then today and full of love, hope and a whole lot of Jesus. 

Broken places

I wanted to run. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I wanted to flee. I thought if I could grab my purse while still standing in the isle I could make a run for it, jump in my car and pretend like none of it had ever happened.

But instead I sat back down. I sat among my friends will all my broken pieces. The tears streaming down my face, I cried. I didn't want to breath for fear of that sobbing sound escaping and everyone looking at me. 

I sat in the familar row in one of my all time favorite places and all of the memories came flooding back. I was overwhelmed by the life I had loved and left. For the comfort of seeing my friends twice a week and always being in a place where I was known. 

For the first time since leaving in January the reality of what I'd given up came crashing down. 

As humans we crave the familiar, we crave people knowing us, we look sideways at people when they take our "seat" at church. We like to know what's around the corner. We like to know what's going to happen tomorrow while we are still trying to figure out today. 

So I sat last night surrounded by the strongest women I know as they prayed for me, with me, and for each other. As eyes were closed and hearts were connected I stopped crying. I could feel God's love so profoundly in that moment. I could feel his grace wash over me and I realized that He is enough. That sometimes we can get so caught up in daily life that we forget to stop and breath. To be thankful for where we are and where God has brought us from.

There is peace in surrendering. There is peace in letting go. I know I've been given an amazing opportunity and an amazing platform to share my faith, to change lives and to make a positive impact in those around me. And just like Jesus that means giving something up- giving up the life and the comfort that I cling to. 

But there's beauty in giving up. There's beauty in meeting Jesus in the darkness because together you find the light. 

Secrets

For almost a month I've harbored a secret. Anyone that knows me knows I'm awful at keeping secrets, but this wasn't mine to tell. 

A month ago my phone rang and on the other end was my usually calm friend Khizer talking a mile a minute- I couldn't tell if he was excited or nervous but I could tell he had something to tell me. 

And then he said it: I bought Becca a ring. 

I jumped up and down and yelled into the phone with excitement and he laughed. I was so excited for my two friends and I was also thrilled that he had called to tell me. He said he wanted all of our friends or as many as could come at the proposal. And so we started planning. 

The best laid plans always have a way of being derailed and the first idea didn't happen because the ring was delayed. We still enjoyed a fun night with friends despite that! But that didn't stop him and that night we made another plan for a Saturday in October.

For a month I've been carrying this secret. And then today my friend entrusted me with another secret. The ring. When I got to CF this morning to workout with my friends he stuffed her ring in my purse with instructions to give it to him at dinner.

Every moment I've opened my purse today I've seen the box and I can't help but smile. Today my friends' lives will change forever and I get to play a part in that. These are the moments we were made for - creating friendships and moments with the people closest to you. 

The proposal was perfect and full of love, I know at first she had no idea what was happening but as I handed him the ring box and he got down on one knee she just beamed from ear to ear. 

We were called to love each other with everything we've got and I was reminded of that sort of love tonight. Khizer has a love for Becca that is self-sacrificing and he is always willing to put her above himself. And when you see the way she looks at him you can tell how deeply she loves and cares for this man. The two of us are a sucker for a good love quote and often over the last month we would send each other quotes and I couldn't help but think that this was their life in writing. 

And then I was reminded that these are the moments we were made for. For the moments when we can pause life and be there for each other and celebrate true love.

Find the joy

I'm really good about following God into a situation. Trusting Him with my whole heart and diving in - ie: Moving to Texas, and taking a new job in the last year.

I think if I'm honest the hardest moments of my faith come after the shine and newness of the decision has worn off and all that's left is my honest reality. And sometimes I find myself looking back. Staring in the rearview mirror sad about what I've missed out on, or what I gave up in making this decision. But every time I'm taken back to the fact that He doesn't make mistakes. That every step and every path that I've followed him on wholeheartedly has always given me so much joy. But again if I'm honest it's more about the journey of finding the joy.

I realized that the other day when a young lady in my life called - she left for college this fall and called in tears overwhelmed in the moment by the situation. She missed her own space, her own home, she missed her family and the familiarity that comes with knowing your place. I think often we follow God into experiences not knowing our place and we are fearful of how vulnerable and human we are in that moment. Tears stung my face as I listened to her talk between soft cries of what she missed. My heart ached for her because in every part of my being I knew how she felt. I knew what it felt like to miss the familiar and you pick up the phone to call someone just to hear a voice of someone that's known you longer then a few months.

But in the course of the conversation I asked her to tell me one good thing about the weekend she had just had and one good thing about the week to come.

Finding the joy.

We have to live in the moment that God has created for us because to live in the past is to miss out on everything in your midst. To live in the past is to wonder and worry and over think. To live in the present is to truly live. To find the joy in your everyday, to look for the beauty in the mundane and know that God has created you for this exact moment.

So to those searching for the joy I would say this:

1. Hold onto your memories and your experiences but don't dwell on them. In the tough moments of missing home or a particular time or place I remind myself that I'm thankful for that experience. Not only for what it taught me but for the joy it brought to my life. Those moments that are mine and can never be taken away - they are precious and close to my heart. Hold onto them.

2. Seek God with everything you have. He hasn't brought to this place or to this moment to be miserable, so regardless of the circumstances or how much you would wish it could change seek Him. The more you dig into who He is the more you understand what you were made for.

3. Lastly keep a list of gratitude. Write down a few everyday that remind you of the good in the world - the warm cup of coffee you had this morning, or the laughter you shared with a friend. Write them down and be thankful for them.

This moment is your life. Embrace it. Don't wish it away - because one day you will wake up and everything will be different. Ironically enough you may wish for today, but it will only be a memory. Hold onto those memories for the nights you can't sleep. Hold onto those memories with everything you have - they are a window to your past and a keepsake for your future.