To my girls

For some reason tonight sitting around the table during our "last first" Drive I couldn't help but smile. My heart is full of how amazing and incredible every single young lady in that room is. I see Jesus. I see laughter. I see love. I see forgiveness. I see grace. 

I see a group of young ladies that given the chance will band together in the name of friendship and love each other through the good times and bad. 

As your small group leader there are a few things on my heart that I will be praying for. 

I pray that you remember that you are loved- not only by us but by the one that created you. That He loved you from the beginning and will love you no matter what. 

I pray that you are bold- that you remember that Jesus lives within you and   through Him you can do anything. I pray that you takes chances with friends and invite them to Drive or church- that you invest in them for the sake of eternity. 

I pray that you are intentional- with your time, with your resources, with your relationships. This year is going to fly by and before you know it we will be sitting in Scott's office for the very last Drive and I want you to know deep in your heart that you left everything on the table. That you made the most of what you were given. 

I pray that you take time to have fun- the future will be there. I said it tonight and I mean it: stop worrying about what hasn't happened yet. Live in the moment. Be thankful for this journey because this journey is your life. Enjoy your last year of high school and make some beautiful memories. 

I'm thankful tonight to be a part of this small group- to lead with Audrey and do life with you ladies. I pray continually for you and I won't stop because at the end of the day I love you all so very much. I can't wait to see what God will do in you and through you this year! 

Somedays

I'm striving everyday to be the best version of myself - to be the woman God created me to be inside and out. I'd be lying if I said that everyday was perfect - that there weren't moments that the tears well up and and I find myself blindly wiping them away. 

In those moments all I can do is take a deep breath and trust. Trust that God will carry me when I cannot walk any farther. That He will go ahead of me as promised and fight for me when I have nothing left inside of me. I imagine when I'm too tired to stand, I find God kneeling beside me saying "Rest child" as He stands to fight my battles.

If I were to be completely honest, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the unknown waters of the future, I'm afraid of what I can't see instead of trusting the One who carries me in the dark.  

In the darkest and hardest moments of my life God has rescued me. He has picked me up when I felt there was no hope and nothing left. I'm praying that I never forget the love and security and hope found in who He is. 

We will get there together

During my trip to England in June we got the chance to go mt. biking in the Forest of Dean. A super fun trip filled with mud and bumps and hills ended with a tumble over the handle bars. 

Fast forward almost a month and a half later and I've been through an MRI that indicates I have a SLAP tear in my shoulder from the fall. 

It's in these moments when we have the hardest time seeing the future because we have a hard time dealing with what's right in front of us. 

What's right in front of me? 6 weeks of therapy and then an appointment to see if it's any better. If it's not then we schedule surgery. That means 6 weeks in a sling followed by 6 - 9 months of therapy. 

Every moment there are a million thoughts running through my head. I'm scared, I'm nervous. I'm afraid for what's around the corner. 

But then I'm reminded of a few things: that God has got this. He hasn't failed me yet and he won't start now. And the   second thing I am reminded of is how amazing and blessed I am to have the friends I do. 

The one thing I refuse to do is stop working and stop fighting. I've been told not to Crossfit and though I have stopped lifting and doing anything overhead I refuse to stop doing something I love. I will work on box jumps, sit ups, lunges and anything else that doesn't require my arms. I will run miles before my workouts and after. Because at the end of the day I refuse to go down without a fight. 

Last night after our workout one of my dear friends and coaches texted me this:: 

Hi Marge, i just wanted to say something real quick. I can see over the past few days even though you have that beautiful smile on your face, you still seem to be worried about your shoulder. 

I know that you know this, but i wanted go ahead and remind you that God puts us in these situations to test our courage, emotions, and our vulnerabilities to figure out what type of person you are when things arent going well.

Now we all know you are a great loving friend and awesome person, so i am pretty sure this test from God is to show how Extraordinary you are. 

You will get through this Marge and you will be better than ever. We all have your back on whatever decision you make and we will make sure we have our Cali girl back on track.

Keep your head up and keep that beautiful smile on your face. 

Love, Khizer :-)

Another friend sent this in a text:

We will be there when you wake up from surgery, and when you're cleared to run we'll run, and I'll visit and have game nights 

This is why I love Crossfit. At the end of the day they have your back. Regardless of what else happens they have been there through the tough workouts and moments that you want to quit and they have supported you. I'm thankful for this group of people that has rallied around me and hasn't told me to stop chasing my goals. But instead they have said it may take us a little longer and it might not be on the road we planned-

but we will get there together someday. 

England 2013

I'm not sure if I can ever put into words how amazing and life changing this trip has been. Walking into the halls of Lakers School on Monday I wasn't fully prepared for what God had in store. He has given us sweet moments with these students, asked us to defend who we are and ultimately revealed a little more of who He is and His plan for all of us. 

Entering into their Religious Education classes we've been challenged, questioned, asked about everything under the sun and at the end of the day we've been able to share our faith. It's not everyday you walk into a school and share who you are, what you believe and what you stand for. But that's what we've done. 

We've discussed questions such as "Is religion dangerous?" Or "Is it hard to be religious in the 21st century?" Or "Should religious people keep their beliefs out of medical ethics?" Or "God cannot be described" and my favorite "God has no place in modern society". These are questions that I think Christians don't think about everyday- but we've sat with students and talked and debated and shared our point of view. 

Today during a question and answer time one of the girls said this: "I've never met anyone that was this strong in their faith" It was a simple statement but it has  resonated with me. I've realized that God has molded me into this strong and vibrant person who is willing to share the gospel because at the end of the day it's all that matters. 

My 28th Birthday

There is only a few minutes left of my birthday and even though it is way past my bedtime I couldn't miss the opportunity to put my pen to paper and hold onto these sweet moments.  

For the first time in my adult life I am thrilled for what 28 will bring. I would describe this birthday as a moment in time where I feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel confident in who God is shaping and molding me to be and I'm ready for whatever adventures He has in store for me. (That includes a trip to Coleford, England in 31 days with my students from church!)

I have felt an overwhelming sense of love and grace from the people in my life. Not only in California but the amazing people and coworkers God has blessed me with here in Texas who have made this birthday one that I will remember for a very long time.

Today was one of those days you wish you could freeze frame and hold on to when life gets rough and your not sure what the next day will bring. But I know that the sweet presents, voicemails, texts and moments I had today will live on in my heart and in my memory.

Feeling very blessed by the people in my life - every single person who made this birthday special- you know who you are. Thank you for thinking of me, thank you for loving me, thank you for supporting me.


Fast forward 365 days and here's a quick thought for the me that will be closing in on the end of the decade called her twenties:

I truly hope you live this year with abandon - you love more, you give more, you hope more and you dream more. This life is truly yours for the taking and with God the sky is the limit. Don't be afraid to say what you feel, share with the people around you and love like you've never loved before. 

Continue to put God first and He will direct your path, remember that as you grow older you have the blessed opportunity to spend another day on this earth sharing the love and joy you have found in Christ. Don't be afraid to be the light- be who you are and everyone will love you for it. Don't take life too seriously because you never know what's around the corner that might derail the best of plans. Love your friends and family and extend grace whenever possible. 

But if you do nothing else in the next 365 days at least do this - LOVE those around you as much as you love yourself. The rest will fall into place. 

Blessings

It's hard to be sad or down or upset when you have too many things to be grateful for. So I made a list.

5 things tonight that I am grateful for:

1. The simple task of crawling into my bed at night - knowing that I am loved.

2. Knowing that the God of the universe has a plan for my life and know exactly what the future holds.

3. The ladies in my small group who challenge and grow me every week.

4. My sweet friend that sent me flowers today to kick off birthday month

5. My friends and family in California who despite the distance are still here for me everyday.

Doing life together

At first glance this picture to any passer by would be a simple glimpse of a group having dinner.

But to those of us in the picture it is so much more. This picture represents life, trust, family and friendships.

This world is crazy and full of chaos but on a Wednesday night for a small second the loudness of life quiets down. It's within those moments of quiet that we find the freedom and courage to be ourselves. To lay all of who we are on the table for those we trust to examine and help us grow.

Life is messy but done best with those you love. And on Wednesdays for a small moment of time God brings us together to listen and share and heal all the broken pieces. Everyone of us has a story, something to share, or something to say. And we get the blessed opportunity to gather around the table every week and do just that. Share, listen, laugh, pray and enjoy the blessings of this amazing thing we call small group.