The goodness of the Lord

Have you ever left somewhere you love with all your heart, got in the car and just ugly cried? The kind of cry you can only see, you can't hear it and there's so much snot you only have time to use your hand? No? Just me? Sometimes you just have to cry, to let the memories flow, to be thankful in the moment for everything that led up to this particular time and place.

If we rewind almost 5 years we end back up in Reedley Ca, on the eve of my big move to Texas. My sweet friend and youth pastor Lonney Moore called and asked if I could meet him for coffee. He wanted to help me look for a church before I set out on this God filled adventure. The Willow Creek Association website has a find a church button and since the church I was currently attending was a member Lonney thought it was the perfect place to start. So we searched for churches in Sugar Land, Texas and the first one on the list was The Bridge Fellowship. So we clicked on the website and read through their beliefs and we both agreed that I should try this church. I remember we clicked through a few more but there was never a second choice, or a backup plan there was just one choice. The Bridge.

So my first Sunday in Texas, January 23, I set foot into this church with my best friend. I'll never forgot the service, Kenny Dean preaching, his sweet daughter being baptized and small group sign ups. Amy nudged me and said look at all these fun groups, you should sign up for one! So I did. I picked a lady named Tianna who loved dessert. I filled out my name on the information card, checked her group and dropped my card in the offering plate. 

I didn't know in that moment how much that Sunday would change my life. Lately as I prepare to head back home to California I can't help but reflect back on the last 5 years of life and the impact this church has had on me. 

I've been stuck lately on this verse- “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

Psalm 27:13 NIV

Today I sat in church, most likely one of the last times at The Bridge and I thought about this verse. About how over the last 5 years I have seen the goodness of the Lord. How a group of strangers not only opened their church to me, but their homes and the hearts and their families. They welcomed me with love and grace and acceptance. They challenged me to walk with the Lord no matter what, to seek His face always. 

I've been blessed with an amazing small group, the opportunity to lead a group of amazing young women through high school and the chance to launch a second campus. I've been to summer camp and watched high schoolers lives be transformed. I've been to England to share the gospel of love and hope. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Today I got the chance to see a friend that I had invited to church a few years back and as we talked about the past and the future there was a moment when the tears appeared and we both realized the impact that had been made. She is now happily married and serving at The Bridge. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

One of the beautiful young women I had the chance to walk through high school with found me this morning and we talked about doing lunch after. She found me after service and realized she had serious homework to do today and couldn't do lunch. I was so proud of her in that moment for choosing to put the sometimes mundane but necessary ahead of an afternoon of fun. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

As hard as it is to leave next month I am so excited for the future. I know God is directing my path and I will lean into Him everyday. I remain confident of this-I am leaving Texas a different woman. One who loves with abandon, who's door is always open and one who always looks for the good. I am so very thankful for this place and it's people. I pray that the future of The Bridge is filled with open doors, and bold declarations. My prayer is that The Bridge is a place that people are always welcome, a place that they fall head over heels in love with Jesus and they can't help but share His life and His love. 

If The Bridge Fellowship and Texas have taught me anything it would be this- Love God, love people and trust the rest will fall into place. ❤️

Where I came from....

I remember the moment like it was yesterday- standing at the security gate at Hobby Airport. My best friend heading in back to California- me out the car to start my life in Texas. I hugged her neck and cried - for the journey, for the memories, for the unknown. At 25 I was starting over in a new place. 

Fast forward 4.5 years - that's how long I've lived in Texas. When I wasn't sure I would make it a week or a month or even  a year I made it 4.5. Or a little over. But who's counting anyways? I've built a life, built my career, trusted Jesus with everything I had and made friends that I know will last a lifetime. You might ask what happened to that California size dream I had? I tucked it away. I held the memories and the smells close but I tucked it away for another day, and prayed that one day God would give me the deepest desire of my heart. 

This past January my mom had open heart surgery and since I was home for Christmas I was able to extend my stay and see her through her surgery. Leaving her in ICU was hands down one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. 

After I returned I could slowly feel something changing inside. I kept thinking about our treasures in heaven vs. our earthly ones and how we tend to invest so much time and effort into the earthly treasures. But they fade. They disappear. A career, money, a title. All of those things disappear. And yet I realized I was chasing earthly treasures. At 28 I had been given my dream job but sometimes your dreams aren't all you thought they were going to be. I know sometimes we are called to a place for a season- not forever but just for a moment. And that's what my time in Willis is, a season. It's been a season of growth and frustration, and accomplishment and doubt. Even though I don't know the reason for this season I'm thankful for it. For the friendships and people along the way and the opportunities I've been given. 

So if I'm going to focus on heavenly treasures what does that look like? It looks like being there for the little moments of life - dinner with friends, birthday parties, playing Chinese checkers with my Grandma, going camping, celebrating a new baby. That in my mind is what Jesus meant by storing your treasure in heaven.  Investing in the Kingdom of God so that people in your life will see the one you call King. That you will be there for them no matter the season. 

What do you do when your faced with this life changing, life altering decision? You pray. And you listen and you seek wise council. And then you take one step out in faith- be brave and go for it. I've learned that the hardest part in life is that first step. But there is beauty and hope found in trusting Jesus. I know that He will make a way- and He will write the next story of my life so beautifully I will know it was penned by the hand of God. So right now with 20 applications out I'm headed home next month and I couldn't be more excited (and nervous!) 

I've fallen in love with Texas and its people but my soul belongs in California. I miss the mountains and the water and the cooler weather. So before I spend too much of my life chasing titles and my career I'm going home. To do the mundane everyday life things I've been missing out on. 

Like I always say it's easier to know where you are going when you can remember where you came from. 

My 30th birthday

Every year since I've turned 26 I've spent the last few hours of my birthday sharing my thoughts about the year that has passed and the hope for the future. I read through these posts tonight and felt every moment and memory over the last four years and how much I've grown up. 

The common theme in reading these posts? Love. Quite simply love from my family and friends and people who genuinely care about me. I'm reminded that the bible teaches us that are greatest commandment is to love God and others. 

I've been blessed today and everyday to feel loved. I've received text messages, emails, facebook posts, calls, delivery's and sweet songs about my birthday. Being able to celebrate with friends and family is one of life's greatest blessings. 

I think the best part of today is this story  I'm about to share. It takes place in the fall of 1984 and spring of 1985. A young man who had just turned 30 was about to become a father. That man is my Dad. And today he shared with me the first hand account of that special day 30 years ago in May of 1985: 

It was August in the year 1984. My wife at the time, Danielle and I are on our way to Lake Tahoe to visit my cousin Linda Lear. We took the boat so we’regoing fishing; we're having a great weekend. The conversation came up about Danielle and I having children. We told her that we had been trying but for one reason or another we were not going to be able to. She mentioned that adoption was a possibility and she knew somebody that helps ladies in the area hook up with potential adoptive parents for their children. We thought that we would try that out and she said she would call her friend next week. I think it was a few weeks or a month later we got a phone call from her, she had a client that needed to have her baby adopted. She didn't realize she was pregnant because she didn't believe she could get pregnant, she was already about three months along when the doctor told her. 

We drove up to South Lake Tahoe area to meet this lady and the birthmother named Daryl. She wanted to interview us with another couple then select which one would be best for her child. I guess the interview went well, a few days later we got the call that we were going to be parents, now the rest of the story. 

We got excited, started fixing up the room for our new baby, as per the ultrasound it was going to be a boy. My wife went to Tahoe for Lamaze classes with Daryl and together we took Lamaze classes in San Jose,kind of unusual being the only couple in Lamaze classwithout a pregnant woman. 

As time went by more ultrasounds and now the doctor wasn't sure if it was going to be a boy or a girl, but I was pretty sure it was going to be a girl. It was April 1985 the room is ready, wallpapered, the crib is assembled everything is in the right place. I refinished a dresser and drawers and painted them white, theroom is perfect for our new baby that's coming soon. 

It was a Monday morning I had to go to work, there was a new project in Almaden for IBM ResearchCenter; I was in charge of B wing. About 10 am the office called on the radio that I needed to come to the office, there was a phone call for me. It was Danielle she had gotten the call that Daryl’s water broke and she was in labor. I had to get home, pack and drive to Southlake Tahoe hopefully before the baby arrived. As we took the four and a half hour drive, Danielle became more and more nervous to the point where her stomach was upset. As we got to the hospital and went into the room, Daryl was on a special chair bed ready, waiting, agonizing; we made it just in time. All along Danielle was going to be her coach during labor but she couldn't stay out of the bathroom, so I had to come up to the plate, hold Daryl's hand and talk her through. I told her it was going to be alright, calm down and watch the monitor, give her a heads up that another contraction was coming. It took a few hoursstanding there nervous as hell; Danielle was in and out, very nervous, more nervous than me. As we got closer the nurses came in and monitored dilation, it's time to change this bed into a chair. I'm holding Daryl's hand and she's pushing and this little head starts to come out, it's my baby girl Margaret.  It was the best time of my life. Darrell was exhausted, the nurses took the baby into the nursery and cleaned her up and then brought her back to us. We took the baby to our hotel, both freaking out, we have an itty-bitty teeny-weeny little baby girl and neither one of usreally know what the hell we’re doing or how much this was going to change our lives . After all, this was the 1980’s cocaine was rampant, my life was going to change forever, we were partiers, now what the hell are we going to do?? This little angel performed her first miracle the day she was born, she saved my life and her mothers, I’m sure, I'm positive of this.

Thirty years ago my angel was born, Happy Birthday Margaret, I love you more than words can say.

It all boils down to love. For each other, for God, for your neighbor. Love each other with everything you've got. ❤️

Life is full of surprises

It was 2005. My sophomore year of college at Fresno State was about to be over and my 20th birthday was approaching. My birthday always fell the week before "dead days" which were two days set up with no classes that you could use to study and get ready for finals. This just meant more time to party and not having to set an alarm for class the next day. All we had to do was wake up and do it again. 

Do you remember those American Express commercials that told you how much your vacation cost but then seeing the look on your child's face is PRICELESS? That's how awesome my friends were- they had a shirt created for me that said this: Never remembering your 20th birthday ....PRICELESS. And in true overachiever fashion I didn't. Sometimes I think wanting to be the best and always wanting to outdo everyone made me the most dangerous drinker. I could draw a crowd and start keg stands and take shots faster then anyone. 

Sadly that's how I started the most empowering, emotional, dangerous and rewarding decade of my life. I truly believe that your 20's help mold the person you will be become. Your 20's are when you make mistakes, lots of them. You travel, you move, you fall in love, you fall out of love, you start jobs and you end some. Your 20's have a way of changing who you are and dictating who you will become. But thankfully that story is only the beginning. 

There's is something about the decade that is your 20's that will test you - and you will prove to yourself and everyone who you really are. Your 20's are beautiful and wonderful, your first real shot at adulthood. 

So here are some things I learned along the way:

1. Love with everything you have- sometimes we spend so much time dreaming about the future or looking in the past that we forget today. We forget the moments that last forever. So make the gesture, call someone, do something out of the ordinary. Drive three hours on a weekday to take your best friend's little girl trick or treating. Just because you want to. I guarantee those memories will last a lifetime.

2. Travel- I've been blessed to travel a lot in my 20's. The adventure of backpacking in Europe with my girlfriends in college, England on a mission trip, Mexico, Washington, Texas, Louisiana, Hawaii, Colorado. It's worth it so get in your car, or buy a plane ticket and go visit someone you haven't seen in a while. 

3. Love God and serve- He created this beautiful world and finding Him has been the greatest joy of my life. I trusted Him enough to let him change my life and He did. Beyond my wildest dreams. And I plan on spending the rest of my life serving Him, sharing the gospel, loving on those he puts in my path. But most of all I will honor Him by blooming wherever he plants me. 

4. Work hard- In anything. At work, at home, in life. Work hard and you will go far in life, but always remember to give back. To know your place and know when to take a seat at the table. Earn your way towards your future and I promise you won't regret it. 

5. Move away - If you would have told me on my 20th birthday that I would spend the last half of my 20's living in another state I would have laughed. But sometimes the unexpected hits, you lose your job and you make sacrifices for what you want. So I moved. And I started over. And what an adventure it has been. It's made me so very thankful about the people that know me. There's something to be said for people that have known you over half your life. They are just simply yours. But the adventure of moving has opened up doors and new friendships and no matter what the future brings I can't imagine my life without this place. I am truly a Texan. 

One day you turn 20 and then without ever realizing it your only a few days from 30. You've watched best friends fall in love, get married and have children. You've celebrated lives that have been taken too soon. You've fallen in love and out. You've learned- about life and love. You've loved with all you've got and you treasure the memories made along the way.  

The thing about my 20's? I wouldn't trade any of it. Every moment, every adventure, every tear made me into the woman I've become and for that I am thankful.

The familiar

 I still have the first email she ever sent me. It's a nostalgic way of looking back on life and remembering what life was like before I walked through the doors of that small group. Ironically enough 4 years ago I showed up at a stranger's house ready for a new adventure- a newly adjusted California transplant I was praying for Godly women and hopefully some amazing friends. And I got just that. A place to come on Wednesday nights and pour my heart and soul into scripture and books and life with these ladies.

Over the course of the last year in moving away my heart has hoped and prayed for something like that. And tonight I found myself in the familar. Invited to a Lent Bible study by a sweet friend I walked into a new place, filled with new faces and names and I felt hope. I felt hope that maybe over the course of the last year God hadn't forgotten about what makes my heart tick, what makes me come alive. And that would be the chance to do life with a group of women, to walk in on Wednesday night and pour our hearts and souls into the word of God. 

I'm thankful beyond words for the invitation, for the thoughtfulness of my friend to ask if I'd like to come. I'm thankful for the reminder that God is always faithful and always on time. And He never forgets. 

Starting year 5

A lot of things can happen in 4 years. It's amazing to think the same time I spent roaming the halls of Calaveras High are equal to my time in Texas. 

Yesterday marked my 4 year anniversary. 1,460 days creating a life, learning, thanking God for all of this. 

I think what stands out to me me the most is where I was 4 years ago. I was unemployed. In my last year of graduate school. Living in the back of someone's house. 

And it's not to say that the I just found a job and started over but to truly know how much God has carried me through it all. How much he has done and continues to do every day that I walk this earth stops me short. 

Not only was I given a job but I was given an amazing opportunity doing what I love in a stable city, full of opportunity and growth. I was given the chance to spread my wings, challenge the status quo and rise above what was left. 

And than you add in the last year and there's no way you can know my story and not wonder about the God I believe in. My dream job since my early college years has always been simple: to be a city manager one day. And at the age of 28 I was blessed with the amazing opportunity to work for a man that knows the ins and outs of city management and has been the absolute best mentor I could have dreamed of. He has pushed me, lifted me up and from day one has been in my corner. I hope day to be the type of leader he is. He sees the big picture but pays attention to detail, fights for what he believes in and always has your back.

But four years ago I had no job and my last unemployment check to my name, a car loaded down with my life and a dream. 

To follow God wherever he calls. 

Year four was blessed with grace and faith and an unwavering support from those closest to me. 

If you don't think that God can change your life in a few short years think again. I am nothing but living proof.

The first of 2015

They are coming for me. 

I read the text message and then I read it again. My mind started to race and I could feel the tears streaming down my face. They had just told her merely an hour before that she was having surgery today and now they were coming to get her? I couldn't wrap my mind around what was happening. I was upset at the hospital that they hadn't given us more time.

I knew my mom wanted someone there before she went in and I knew being an hour from the hospital that wasn't going to happen. I could hear the what if's swirling in my head. I sat in the bathroom for a few minutes and prayed. For wisdom and peace but most of all- patience. 

5 hours later she emerged from surgery with a new heart valve and is currently recovering in ICU. 

Even though she was asleep I was able to see her in ICU and leave her a note. Thankfully her surgeon was there and I was able to talk to him. We talked about her surgery, her heart and her recovery.

And then he says I thought we were going to have to send her home, I didn't have any openings for 2 or 3 more weeks. I looked at him confused. She had been in the hospital for almost a week waiting to have this surgery and you were going to send her home? And then he says but then there was an opening all of a sudden and I took it. He had done what only he could do and he scheduled her for surgery. 

I let the reality of what transpired today sink in. I realized how much of our lives are out of our control but how much God is in control. I was upset this morning because they were messing with the schedule that I had in mind but instead God's schedule happened. What He already knew was going to happen happened. 

The first five days of the new year have been difficult and hard. They've been filled with taking care of my Grandma and worrying about my mom and what the future looks like for her. I'm thankful that I was still in California when this all happened and was able to be here.

I'm most thankful though for my sweet friends and family. They have prayed and called and been there whenever I needed them. And today one of my sweet friends even drive 2.5 hours to sit with me while my mom was in surgery. I am blessed by some of the most amazing God loving people in both of the places I call home. 

So to those of you that have called and prayed and texted - thank you! Prayers are appreciated for my mom's recovery.

Here's to a bright and healthy 2015. 

Remember you only get one shot at this thing called life, make it count.