Saturday, October 11, 2014

Secrets

For almost a month I've harbored a secret. Anyone that knows me knows I'm awful at keeping secrets, but this wasn't mine to tell. 

A month ago my phone rang and on the other end was my usually calm friend Khizer talking a mile a minute- I couldn't tell if he was excited or nervous but I could tell he had something to tell me. 

And then he said it: I bought Becca a ring. 

I jumped up and down and yelled into the phone with excitement and he laughed. I was so excited for my two friends and I was also thrilled that he had called to tell me. He said he wanted all of our friends or as many as could come at the proposal. And so we started planning. 

The best laid plans always have a way of being derailed and the first idea didn't happen because the ring was delayed. We still enjoyed a fun night with friends despite that! But that didn't stop him and that night we made another plan for a Saturday in October.

For a month I've been carrying this secret. And then today my friend entrusted me with another secret. The ring. When I got to CF this morning to workout with my friends he stuffed her ring in my purse with instructions to give it to him at dinner.

Every moment I've opened my purse today I've seen the box and I can't help but smile. Today my friends' lives will change forever and I get to play a part in that. These are the moments we were made for - creating friendships and moments with the people closest to you. 

The proposal was perfect and full of love, I know at first she had no idea what was happening but as I handed him the ring box and he got down on one knee she just beamed from ear to ear. 

We were called to love each other with everything we've got and I was reminded of that sort of love tonight. Khizer has a love for Becca that is self-sacrificing and he is always willing to put her above himself. And when you see the way she looks at him you can tell how deeply she loves and cares for this man. The two of us are a sucker for a good love quote and often over the last month we would send each other quotes and I couldn't help but think that this was their life in writing. 

And then I was reminded that these are the moments we were made for. For the moments when we can pause life and be there for each other and celebrate true love.




Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Find the joy

I'm really good about following God into a situation. Trusting Him with my whole heart and diving in - ie: Moving to Texas, and taking a new job in the last year.

I think if I'm honest the hardest moments of my faith come after the shine and newness of the decision has worn off and all that's left is my honest reality. And sometimes I find myself looking back. Staring in the rearview mirror sad about what I've missed out on, or what I gave up in making this decision. But every time I'm taken back to the fact that He doesn't make mistakes. That every step and every path that I've followed him on wholeheartedly has always given me so much joy. But again if I'm honest it's more about the journey of finding the joy.

I realized that the other day when a young lady in my life called - she left for college this fall and called in tears overwhelmed in the moment by the situation. She missed her own space, her own home, she missed her family and the familiarity that comes with knowing your place. I think often we follow God into experiences not knowing our place and we are fearful of how vulnerable and human we are in that moment. Tears stung my face as I listened to her talk between soft cries of what she missed. My heart ached for her because in every part of my being I knew how she felt. I knew what it felt like to miss the familiar and you pick up the phone to call someone just to hear a voice of someone that's known you longer then a few months.

But in the course of the conversation I asked her to tell me one good thing about the weekend she had just had and one good thing about the week to come.

Finding the joy.

We have to live in the moment that God has created for us because to live in the past is to miss out on everything in your midst. To live in the past is to wonder and worry and over think. To live in the present is to truly live. To find the joy in your everyday, to look for the beauty in the mundane and know that God has created you for this exact moment.

So to those searching for the joy I would say this:

1. Hold onto your memories and your experiences but don't dwell on them. In the tough moments of missing home or a particular time or place I remind myself that I'm thankful for that experience. Not only for what it taught me but for the joy it brought to my life. Those moments that are mine and can never be taken away - they are precious and close to my heart. Hold onto them.

2. Seek God with everything you have. He hasn't brought to this place or to this moment to be miserable, so regardless of the circumstances or how much you would wish it could change seek Him. The more you dig into who He is the more you understand what you were made for.

3. Lastly keep a list of gratitude. Write down a few everyday that remind you of the good in the world - the warm cup of coffee you had this morning, or the laughter you shared with a friend. Write them down and be thankful for them.

This moment is your life. Embrace it. Don't wish it away - because one day you will wake up and everything will be different. Ironically enough you may wish for today, but it will only be a memory. Hold onto those memories for the nights you can't sleep. Hold onto those memories with everything you have - they are a window to your past and a keepsake for your future.


Friday, September 26, 2014

Things people say

I didn't get where I am today by listening to what people said about me.

 If I did that I would have quit a long time ago. I would have thrown in the towel, I would have changed careers. 

But I didn't. I trusted that God had the best for me. That regardless of what people have said or will say that I know the truth and I know the woman God is creating me to be. I trusted that God has given me everything I need to be successful in life and anything I don't have, He has. 

I know there are moments when I wear every emotion on my sleeve. And days where I feel like I hear everything people say and I start to believe it as well. 

And then I stop. I pause. I breath and I pray and I trust that the truth of my identity is wrapped up in God. 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Living out my faith

I spent the last minutes of my Sunday evening before the sunset walking the track at the high school down the street. I couldn't help but think back over the day and my heart was filled to the brim with so many feelings.

In the midst of a busy week I can get lost in the middle of the to do's and the have not's and forget my purpose. The reason why I exist and breathe and walk on this earth. And that reason is to live out my faith. To live it out even when it's hard. To live it out even when I don't want to.

Thankfully I don't have to live it out alone. Today I was reminded of that.

Three of my favorite people drove up to my corner of the world to share a meal, see my apartment, and see my new life. It's hard when for years we did life together more then once a week and our friendship came easy. Now it takes a little more work. It takes planning weeks in advance, it takes car rides, and it takes effort.

If I've learned anything over the course of the last few years it would be that distance and effort only makes that time sweeter. The belly ache from laughing too hard lasts longer. The banter between us is light and fun.

In the midst of all of the fun there was truth and sometimes the truth hurts. But I'm thankful that these friends never shy away from the truth. I've learned over the years that no one in this life survives on their own. We need each other more then we care to admit and in the midst of the darkest and hardest moments of our life we need some to tell us the truth with love. To remind us that whatever decision we have coming around the corner or whatever decision we might have already made that might haunt us- we are still here. Through the belly laughs and the hard conversations, we will always be there to try our best to live authentically. To challenge each other to serve, and love and live this life a little more like Jesus everyday.

Today I'm thankful for these three. A sweet reminder in this crazy life that sometimes God blesses you more then you could ever imagine with the sweetest friends. 

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Choices

Tonight as we were getting ready to head to dinner one of my high schoolers asked why my Instagram said that my heart was in California. And I said because it is. And in true "I'm 18 and know more then you" fashion another asked if you could have the same exact job and opportunity in California would you go back? 

Choices. 

I've thought a lot over the years about that choice. And even today I stumbled on that question. If I were truly given that opportunity what would I do? Would I chose to go back to the past and try to create a life in the familar pieces of who I used to be? Or would I stay here. Here in the unknown, un-chartered (but amazing) land that is my life? 

And in the midst of tonight and all that we talked about at camp the speaker presented this thought: 

What's the story you want to tell? In 5 years or 10. 
That you played it safe or you dared to dream that God had a better plan for your life? 

I love that I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I dreamed of a better plan. That I trusted God enough to head for the unknown. My story is different and awesome and it has become such an intergal part of who I am. The story God has created for me is one of a kind.


Monday, July 7, 2014

Never forget to make a life

It's almost 5 a.m. In the morning and we are on the bus headed for camp in Florida. In the quiet moments of this 11 hour bus ride I'm reminded of all the good that is this life. 

This week I am not the Assistant City Manager. This week I am friend, a small group leader, a sister, a confidant and a lover of Jesus Christ. I'm thankful for these titles. They mean more to me then any I could be given in my career because they are the ones that last for eternity. These are the moments I cherish because at the end of the day loving God and loving others are the two most important things I can ever do. My biggest fear in life is to wake up one day and realize I chased the money before I chased the one who chased me first. 

I pray that this week is full of life change for these students- that before the busyness of another school year takes over they are loved and protected by their creator. I pray that they love each other as much as they love themselves. I pray that they come back so on fire with the Holy Spirit that they changes lives. But most of all I pray that we all feel the love of our savior and the reminder that this life isn't about us - it's about Him and all of the people He loves with all of His heart. 


Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Don't give up on your dreams.

This last weekend I was given an amazing opportunity to share my story with 90 high school and college kids at the CPRS Disrict 7 Summer Leaders Workshop. Here's my speech! 

I'll never forget the first time I heard about a rec major. I had gone rafting with some friends from college during the summer of 2004 and someone asked if I was a rec major? I said no and had honestly no idea what that was. I had just come off the worst semester of my life- from straight A's in high school to a 1.8 my freshman year of college. I absolutely hated college at that point.

I went home and dug through the fall 2004 catalog. Yes back then you could put your hands on a book that held all the classes for the next semester. And there it was. A list of classes like intro to recreation, special event planning, recreation and leisure. I was hooked.
The hardest part was convincing those closest to me. People were shocked. I wanted to major in what? I had gone away to school to study how to provide recreation and leisure programs to a community? By this time I had heard it all- you'll never make enough money, people don't have jobs in this, you are crazy. They said it all. Sadly no one ever said this.

Don't give up on your dreams.

So I'll say it today. Just in case you haven't heard it in a while. Don't give up on your dreams. Even when they seem daunting. Even when they seem like they might swallow you whole. Even when you can't see the other side. Don't. Give. Up. I promise more the anything they will be worth it. They might not look like what you thought in the beginning, they might take a completely different path then you expected but I promise they will be worth it.
As I was preparing for this speech today I thought if I could go back and share with my younger self some wisdom what would it be?

The first...

Hard work or work hard – both are necessary to get where you were need to be. You have to put in the time and effort at any task just for the sake of doing what was asked of you. That means doing the tasks you don’t want to do or for that matter anyone else wants to do either. At one point for me in college that meant being a skate park attendant for Clovis Area Recreation. Was it fun sitting out for hours upon hours in the hot valley watching kids skateboard all day? No it wasn’t. But it was what was asked of me and I honestly feel like it provided valuable insight and a great story for later when my staff would tell me that I had no idea what it felt like to be in their shoes.

Good people- you are only as good as the people you surround yourself with. So choose wisely. Find a mentor. Someone to bounce ideas off of, who is older and wiser then you and learn as much as you can. Ask questions of people you encounter and work hard to learn the tasks they are good at – they will take you far in life.

Don't think you know it all- you probably think that now. I know I did. But trust me- with age brings wisdom. So when someone older then you gives you wisdom, listen. Learn everyday – everyone you in encounter in life has something to teach you. Even if it’s not the lesson you had wanted or hoped or expected.

Learn something new about someone- we get so consumed by our everyday lives and duties that we forget we are dealing with people. Find common ground with them, discuss new ideas, and ask about their family. Learn the name of the janitor in your building. You never know when you might need something how those relationships and bridges you’ve created will make a huge difference. A great story for this is actually how it all worked in getting my current job. I had a great coworker that I worked with and he knew my current boss – so we talked about the job and the requirements and he asked if I wanted him to call on my behalf. So he did and whatever was said in that conversation about me was instrumental in helping me land the job. And it was because I took the time to get to know my coworker and we had formed a relationship based on more than our day to day responsibilities.

Don't think you’re a shoe in. – Go into a job interview with everything you have. Even if you think you the best candidate act like you are not, but show them that you will work hard and do what is asked of you.

Do something for someone that can never repay you – this one is one of my favorites. Because in doing so you can change someone’s life forever. It happened to me. I had sent my resume off to a city manager in the Houston area and he ended up not being able to hire for the position I was looking at so he forwarded my resume to another city manager and said I wish I could hire her but it’s not the right timing – hope she works out for you. The city manager he sent my resume to is my current boss. I can never do anything to repay a man that I’ve never met that changed my life but I can pay it forward. I can do the same thing for someone else and hopefully mold their future for the better.

Authenticity to self – Be who you are. Embrace that – and it will lead you into the future. Never be afraid to be who you are – I know that sounds cliché or scary but it’s true. It’s never gotten me anywhere pretending to be something I’m not. One of my favorite quotes says this:
A company or a team needs to be constantly rejuvenated by the infusion of young blood. It needs young people with the imagination and the guts to turn everything upside down if they can. It also needs old fogies to keep them from turning upside down those things that ought to be right side up. Above all, it needs young rebels and old conservatives who can work together, challenge each other’s values, yield or hold fast with equal grace, and continue after each hard-fought battle to respect each other – Building Community

Actively pursue what you love- attend seminars, learn something, invest in who you are, don’t ever stop learning. There will always be something new that you will fall in love with.
Passion is a lot like fire, when contained it can provide light warmth, mystery, and beauty, but left out of control it can cause destruction and damage, both personal and external. – Christine Fluter-Brown

Not to be afraid of failure – Things may not work out the way we envision and there are many uncontrollable decisions along the way, but true growth comes from adversity. – Michelle Fitzgerald
This one is tough because as much as you don’t want to fail it will happen. And when it does learn from it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again. You might get some bumps and bruises along the way but you will learn. I remember one time when I worked here I missed a deadline for a grant application and I was so upset. I’m pretty sure I sat in Sarah’s office and I cried. She was obviously disappointed because it meant that we would have to wait until the next grant period to apply but she was gracious and reminded me that it wouldn’t be the first and it wouldn’t be the last time. It will happen and all the preparing in the world will never make it any easier.

Help your employees to succeed – I’ve been very lucky with all of my bosses to have been blessed by people who not only want to better themselves but also their employees. Sarah Reid was my very first boss out of college and I have to say I learned so much from her on how to help the people around me. To find their strengths and showcase them, to find their weaknesses and help them work on them. There’s nothing more encouraging then to know that the people you work with on a daily basis want you to succeed and will do anything to make that happen. Even in my last position in Sugar Land my boss knew from day one that I wanted to be a city manager someday and helped to position me in situations, meetings or by joining committees to help me reach that goal. Because of her vision I was asked to be part of a lunch time book club of influential women in the organization led by our assistant city manager. I have an intern now in Willis and I do everything I can to position him to succeed and I hope that I can have an impact like my bosses have had on me.

Lead by example – To lead it, you’ve got to live it. Show up early, stay late, pick up trash. More is caught then taught.When we opened the rec center we had part time staff and in the beginning we needed to show them how to run the front – so all of us full time staff would rotate out up front. We knew they were watching so we answered the phones the way we wanted them to, we checked logs, did court checks.  And eventually they understand what we were asking from them.

Integrity - Our character really comes through when we are faced with challenges and others are always watching, what would you want your actions to say about you, and how do you want to be remembered?  - Michelle Fitzgerald
​I always tell my staff integrity is what you do when no one is looking. When your boss isn’t around how do you treat the kids? Is it the same or different? Or when you are at the pool and it’s easier to lay out and tan instead of watch the campers what do you do? How you act when no one is looking speaks volumes for your character. I’ve learned over the years that your name means a lot – it means a lot when it comes up in conversations and someone says do you know so and so? Everything you’ve worked for stands in that perception and hopefully the person will say I do! And I love working with them because of reasons X, Y, and Z. Remember that long after you leave a job or a city your name and what you’ve done will linger – make sure your message is inspiring.

Earlier I told you don't give up on your dreams. I warned you that they might turn out completely different then you expected. I guess I say those things because I've lived them. Because at one point my dreams looked completely differentthan they do today.

In 2007 I graduated from college and that fall I started as an intern here in the great city of Reedley. I worked hard and I learned a lot. In February of 2008 I was offered my first full time job in the same city I had interned for. I remember the day Sarah called to offer me the job and I thought life can't get any better than this. And for 2.5 years I worked and learned andfailed. I tried new programs and new ideas. I learned as I spent more time working in city government that I enjoyed learning about how it all worked. And I knew then I would love to be a Parks and Recreation Director and my long term goal was to be a city manager someday – which is why I decided to go back to school in the fall of 2008.

In the midst of my first job out of college and graduate school the recession hit me square in the face. At the age of 25, a year into a 30 year mortgage I received my layoff notice from the city in May of 2010. I can honestly say that the last two months on the job were devastating. I always thought if I ever left it would be on my terms not someone else's. But instead I left, with no clear picture of my future or what was around the corner. I was scared and unsure and fearful of what lie ahead. I started applying to any job I could get my hand on and I remember the first one, a part time position in northern California for teens and skate parks. I honestly thought I had the job and then I got my rejection letter. It turned out to be the first of many and I would spend the next six months sending out over 50 job applications all over the country. These cities included places like  
Tahoe City, CA
North Bend, WA
Rockwall, TX
Golden, CO
Richland County, MT
Bellevue, WI
I got several interviews, and sometimes second interviews but was always told no. At this point family and friends encouraged me to look into other fields, and told me with the recession maybe it was time to give up on my dream of parks and recreation.

That fall I was attempting to finish my grad school comprehensive exams, when the city of Sugar Land called and offered me a second interview in Texas. I remember standing outside the library at Fresno State calling my Grandma and asking if my Christmas present could be a flight to Texas the week of Christmas. She said yes if that's what I wanted. I also remember her asking if it was worth the risk? And in that moment it was. I had nothing to stand on except this open door God had laid before me and my faith. So I flew to Texas with a 1 in 4 chance of being selected as their new athletics/aquaticscoordinator. I remember driving in from the airport and realizing there was a 25% chance that I might be living in the 4th largest city in the USA soon.

On the day I received my last unemployment check I got the job offer and two weeks into January of 2011 I was to be in Texas. I was going to help open the city’s first recreation center as the Athletics/Aquatics Coordinator. So I packed what I could fit in my Toyota, brought my best friend along with me and moved to Texas. Moving and starting over is never easy. But moving to another state takes courage – everything is different. People act different, say different things, and even common practices in the field you are working in are completely different. These are the moments that I’ve realized we must embrace change. I fought loving Texas for a long time because at the end of the day it wasn’t California. But I’ve realized over the years that even if it isn’t the state that I grew up in it’s an amazing place. Filled with new opportunities, new people and a whole laundry list of things that make it unique. And over the last 4 years it has become home. I was part of a team of 5 that successfully opened the city of sugar land’s first recreation center running athletics/aquatics first and then transitioning into leisure classes and camps. I absolutely loved being able to watch a once empty building turn into a hub for kids to come and learn new things at camp or a group of middle aged men relive their glory days in our men’s basketball league.

All along most had always known that I wanted the chances for advancement within parks and recreation but also inmunicipal government in general. I interviewed for the senior center manager position and didn’t get it. I interviewed for the admin manager position in public works and didn’t get it. Don’t get me wrong – I  loved my job and enjoyed it but I also wanted to seek out every possible opportunity. It’s never easy dealing with rejection – I said earlier not to assume you are a shoe in because trust me in these two cases I thought for sure they would promote from within and I had to be the most qualified candidate. But God had other plans for me. Right around thanksgiving of this last year I got an email from the HR director in a small city north of Houston saying that they had been forwarded my resume third party and were curious if I would be interested in applying for the Assistant City Manager position responsible for Economic and Community Development. Now obviously if you’ve been paying attention at all you know that besides an MPA degree my passion and focus and experience has been in parks and recreation. I had no clue about economic development! I honestly thought the first time I read it had to be spam. Some cruel joke. I showed my boss and the first thing she said was this: “Please tell me you are going to apply for that?” And so I did. And then I panicked. I had absolutely no experience in economic development. But I trusted God and this open door and I went for my interview. I was upfront and honest and shared with them my background and told them even though I had no experience in economic development but I would work hard and learn. And that’s exactly what I did. The learning curve has been long but I’m working every day to better myself. I read the state codes almost on a daily basis, learning about what I can’t do so that I don’t go to jail. I’ve made friends and contacts that have been in the business longer then I and I’ve been lucky enough to be mentored by a seasoned vet with years of experience in tax abatements, and deal closing. Even though every day is different and some days are harder than others I keep putting one foot in front of the other because I know more than anything I want to leave my mark on Southeast Texas, and make sure the community is better than I found it.
So in closing let me say this: there is always a plan. It might not be the plan you laid out but there is always a plan and in most cases it's better than anything you can imagine. 

It has been almost 4 years ago to the day I walked out of those front doors, with no job, no income, nothing but my faith to see me through. And now I get the amazing chance to stand up here with you today to tell you this- don't give up on your dreams. No matter what. It will be worth it and it will be wonderful and along the way you will meet some amazing people that will guide your path. Lean on them, work hard, and whatever you do- believe in yourself. Life is best lived outside of your comfort zone.